Thursday, February 05, 2009

Blair beats Brown (and Merkel and Sarkozy) to Obama

It is difficult indeed to distinguish one messiah from another these days. They all orate well, emote liberally, and increasingly ‘do God’. And as Cranmer saw these pictures and heard the mellifluous tones of the Rt Hon Tony Blair, he was moved to nostalgic longings as he thought of the tediously dour and utterly depressing leader the Lord has seen fit to inflict upon us. Locusts and flies would have been more merciful.

The fact is that Tony Blair is a class act – a truly great performer. And he understands what it takes to succeed in the USA: few could have been so close to George Bush and then seque seamlessly into becoming the ‘first friend’ of his antithesis. Tony Blair has an undeniable charismatic presence on stage: his timing is perfect, his inflections and inner attitudes finely honed. He is a master self-publicist, baring his soul to an adoring audience – sufficient to entice them; never so much as to repel.

The Daily Mail has a summary of the parts of the speech not included by SKY (which, presumably, also does not do God). It is quite incredible to believe that he had been invited to Washington (or ‘just happened to be there’) before the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, and given a pulpit platform from which to pontificate speak to the world. He is now, apparently, a ‘world leader’. Is that what one automatically becomes on leaving Downing Street, or is it a title reserved for the élite? Is John Major a world leader? Does one not at least have to have a constituency or a democratic mandate to be a world leader?

But to the matter.

Tony Blair’s message was awash with evangelical fervour, which Cranmer is delighted to subject to a fisking exposition:

"Restoring religious faith to its rightful place as a guide to our world and its future is of the essence."

What is ‘religious faith’ without doctrine? What is this central doctrine which will guide the world and its future? What is this ‘rightful place’? Did you know about this ‘rightful place’ when you were prime minister? Why is it ‘of the essence now’ but it manifestly was not between 1997-2007?

"In surrendering to God we become instruments of his love".

Ah, bless.

How much surrendering to God did you do in your decade in Downing Street? How many Christian foundations did you undermine? Did you surrender to God over abortion legislation? The Iraq war? Your assaults upon faith schools? The closure of Catholic adoption agencies? The iniquitous embryology and fertilisation legislation? Civil partnerships? Undermining marriage? The sexual orientation regulations?

You may insist that your ‘spiritual values’ were Christian, Mr Blair. But Christians of all hues observe a distinct diminution of the influence of Christian values during your term of office. And not only were they diminished, but on occasion overtly ignored and set aside.

So, Mr Blair, to which God did you surrender?

Was it the one who demands submission?

He also told the story of his ‘first spiritual awakening’ at the age of 10 ‘when his teacher knelt and prayed with him when his father had a stroke. He warned the teacher that his father was a committed atheist who didn't believe in God, only to be told "God believes in him".

A teacher prayed with you? Did he ask permission? Did he then have the right to risk offending? How can it be that the era in which you were a child, Mr Blair, that people felt free to pray with or for those in their charge, but a decade of New Labour mendacity has yielded a nation in which one may be threatened with dismissal merely for offering to pray for someone?

He finished his speech with the hope that politicians will ‘follow God's will’, and added ‘God bless you all’.

The problem you have (in case it was omitted from your Ladybird Book of World Religions) is that politicians manifestly believe in different gods and so a hope that they might all ‘follow God’s will’ is trite and naïve. Lord Ahmed is, after all, a politician, but appears a little unwilling to do the will of YHWH. Did not you make him a peer, Mr Blair? Were you guided by God when you did so?

But who is to discern the apparently mutually exclusive wills of Allah, Krishna or Waheguru, in any case? And what about the prophet, priest and king Jesus? Are there special enlightened politicians who might lead us into all truth – Mohammed, Buddha, Guru Nanak,Yoda?

If the solution to the world’s problems is that by following God’s will we shall find peace, why have you not hosted a prayer breakfast in Jerusalem over the past two years and invited Hamas and the Israeli government? And Osama bin Laden could have said grace. Cranmer is sure a full English breakfast would have done the trick, followed by a specially-written creed to embrace postmodern notions of relativity and obfuscational ambiguity. It could not be a breakfast for the poor and destitute, as the Lord might have wished, for they are not important enough to be politicians. You could simply invite the decision makers, give them a hearty breakfast, and tell them all to love each other.

That is sure to change their hearts.

Mr Blair would make a very fine archbishop.

But a much better pope.


Blogger len said...

These are spots in your love feasts,while they feast with you without fear, serving only themselves. They are clouds without water carried about by the winds;
Jude 12-13

5 February 2009 at 19:10  
Blogger an ex-apprentice said...

Your Grace,

I agree, he really is a class act. If anything, he seems even better at it now than ever.

He even puts Obama in the shade, and the comparison with Gordon Brown would be too embarrassing to even contemplate.

Cock an ear towards Downing Street and you can hear the tiny tinkle of mobile phones bouncing off walls.

5 February 2009 at 19:24  
Blogger ZZMike said...

"A teacher prayed with you? Did he ask permission?"

Nowadays, of course, the teacher would be sacked, or at least cautioned. Just ask the nurse from yesterday.

"He finished his speech with the hope that politicians will ‘follow God's will’, and added ‘God bless you all’."

One wonders if His Immenseness Lord Ahmed is included in that.

Do keep in mind that Mr Blair is now campaigning for Emperor - oops - President of the EU.

But if he keeps up all this religious stuff, he may be sent down to the book circuit - giving book signings in Liverpool and such.

"How much surrendering to God did you do in your decade in Downing Street?"

Now, now, there - we realize that Persons in Power have to put their religious pursuasions on the back burner - render to Ceasar and all that (I don't know how that applies if you are Ceasar).

5 February 2009 at 19:54  
Blogger McKenzie said...

Tony Blair is a hypocrite and he has done a lot of damage in this country, he has sent out the WRONG MESSAGE completely.

5 February 2009 at 20:23  
Blogger Jomo said...

He is a modernist in religion. He believes what his inner light tells him to believe. God is in him and he knows God's will because it accords with his own.

He may be a class act but he is still a snake oil salesman. The flash of his smile will seduce you and you will recognise his power.

He loves the world and the world loves him. He would never want to be Pope - he couldn't cope with the rejection.

Faith is just another encyclopaedia to sell to the witless.

One old fraud meet the new fraud on the block. Methinks the West is doomed

5 February 2009 at 21:44  
Blogger The Church Mouse said...

What's galling about Blair is not so much the hypocrisy - unfortunately that's a sin we're all guilty of. Its the fact that his new found religion has not lead him to humility, as a faith in Christ should. Instead he has refused to admit to mistakes over Iraq, Kelly or anything else, and seems to believe that his position in the world has been elevated since he left office. To some kind of international father figure. Leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

5 February 2009 at 22:55  
Blogger Morus said...

Your Grace - this is a four minute video in which he is talking about faith.

I never rated Blair as an orator, except for a couple of occasions. He never delivered the speeches written for him well - largely because they were written by people with no knowledge of syntax or cadence.

When he reads his own work, he is a better speaker. The final Labour Party Conference, his resignation announcement in Sedgefield, and this.

5 February 2009 at 23:44  
OpenID BL@KBIRD said...

If Britain can reverse and survive the next two decades and remain a recognizable part of the anglosphere, then Blair will be the most hated figure in British history. If the Mohammedans win, well he won't matter much at all.

6 February 2009 at 00:21  
Anonymous John Knox said...

As the Scripture says: "What do ye call me Lord Lord, but do not as I say?"

Both Blair and Obama seem to employ God for their agendas, rather than vice versa, so they should go on well together.

In the Bible God's people were described as his servants, like Mary in the magnificat.

Now man tries to turn God into his servant. Blair has given us the ultimate example of taking the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

6 February 2009 at 00:46  
Blogger Fergus Carrick said...

I love You Grace's idea of that breakfast in Jerusalem. Would they serve Denny’s Pork Sausages? Obviously Tony keeps forgetting that Christianity is an exclusive religion. I recall that Jesus said, “I am the way”. There was not much wiggle room in that statement.

6 February 2009 at 00:49  
Anonymous not a machine said...

oh your grace "so many messhias difficult to distinguis one from another"

your review of what blair has done to christian faith in this country is alrming , and if i may shows not only hypocracy but double speak . i have always wondered how much the christian socialist is selective , or wordly in there evangelastion of faith.

but being as some things have now surfaced about contradictions , i note christian party have got some slogans on buses "god definitely does exist"

but let us not stop in pursueance of error , if we praise the lord jesus because of his salvation available to all , then the correct minsitry of the work is not a lite matter , indeed i can here the calls of religous biggot already.

submission to god as blair proclaims is through the work of christ , what on earth have we been doing watering this down into a mere fuzzy warmth indistinguishable from the sensation of a cup of cocoa.

the recount of the crucifxion , says the sky turned black, a great storm blew up and the curtain round the holy of holies was rent in two and an earth quake split the altar in the temple.

the lord touched all those that betrayed christ , i see no reason for labour to be exempt, they seem to be pharisee,pilot, herod and judas all centralised into one office of ultimate control.

6 February 2009 at 01:50  
Blogger it's either banned or compulsory said...

Who are the " We " that Mr. Blair refers to ? Am I included in his "We", is Your Grace or your visitors ? He is no-ones elected representative or does he presume to speak for the rest of the world.

Good speech though and the '24 hours ' joke was funny even though he fluffed it.

6 February 2009 at 05:18  
Anonymous churchmouse said...

ZZ - exactly! What the eu and its emperor claim as theirs are unlikely to be what --- e.g. anti-eu Brits --- are prepared to let them have!

Interesting overall, too. I recently challenged the stance of a female on some issue. Not long before, I'd learned that she was a good actress; even so I was horrified at the ugliness I saw when the mask slipped from that face -- everyone thinks it's so beautiful!!!

Though I don't want to see for myself - I wonder who's seen what lies under Blair's mask! As for Gordo - maybe he just doesn't understand how masks are supposed to work...

p.s. I'm just a common or garden church mouse who posts here fairly often - I'm not THE Church Mouse.

6 February 2009 at 11:00  
Anonymous A well known Bishop said...

Your Grace,

You imply that Blair would make a very fine Pope. I say Rome is absolutely deserving of him. There are plenty of people who have wondered if Blair might well become the 1st president of Europe. In which case he might well make a very fine Anti-Christ indeed.

A humble Bishop

6 February 2009 at 18:02  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within.An enemy at the gates is less formidable, for he is known and carries his banners openly.But the traitor moves among those within the gate freely,his sly whispers rustling through all the alleys, heard in the very halls of government itself. But the traitor appears not traitor, he speaks in the accents familiar to his victims, and he wears their face and their garments, and he appeals to the baseness that lies deep in the hearts of all men.He rots the soul of the nation, he works secretly and unknown in the night to undermine the pillars of a city, he infects the body politic so that it can no longer resist. A murderer is less to be feared"
Cicero, 42. B.C.

7 February 2009 at 19:09  
Anonymous ever a mouse said...

Anonymous 7-Feb: 1909.

I seldom say this, but- Wow. That hits the spot exactly. That's him.

I wonder if they promised him First Emperor status for doing it?

8 February 2009 at 14:02  

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