Tuesday, February 17, 2009

How Labour could (easily) win the next general election

There are increasingly feverish and not entirely speculative rumours that Gordon Brown might yet resign before the next general election to become another ‘world leader’.

There are two schools of thought on Labour’s election-winning strategy. The first is that it no longer matters who leads the Labour Party - they are known to be such a shower of abhorrent incompetents that victory at the next general is now utterly unattainable. The second is that it matters very much, and anyone but Gordon Brown at the helm would stand a better chance of delivering Labour a fourth term.

This has nothing to do with policies, or reason, or even politics. It is simply about perception, popularity and feeling. For in the postmodern age of unreason, that is all that matters. While the rational politicos worry about policies and argue over manifestos, the overwhelming majority of the electorate vote more in accordance with how they feel than how they think. This is not subject to any discourse of reason.

If Labour MPs were simply to focus on winning another term instead of internal feuding over ideological divisions, they could easily secure a victory, and haggle about personalities and policies afterwards.

Here is Cranmer’s winning team:

Prime Minister - Alan Johnson
Chancellor of the Exchequer - Frank Field
Home Secretary – John Denham
Foreign Secretary (and Europe Minister) - Gisela Stuart
Health Secretary – Stephen Byers
Education Secretary – Alan Milburn
Justice Secretary – Ben Bradshaw
Business Secretary – James Purnell
Environment Secretary – Hazel Blears
International Development Secretary – Hilary Benn
Defence Secretary – Quentin Davies
Communities Secretary – John Cruddas
Transport Secretary – Shaun Woodward
Culture Secretary – Glenda Jackson
Olympics Minister – Kate Hoey
Leader of the House of Commons – Chris Bryant
Party Chairman – (out of sight but highly effective) Peter Mandelson

Cranmer is neither advocating the merit nor lauding the integrity of any of these characters; merely stating this would be a winning formula and would contribute to an electoral victory for Labour.

Such a line-up would have the media flocking to Labour’s doors and send the Conservative Party into convulsions, leaving them to face a record fourth defeat and a potential 18 years in the wilderness. This new Cabinet would not actually have to do very much at all over the coming months; simply circulate the media outlets, do a string of interviews and make lots of inspiring speeches about ‘change’, of which they would be the undoubted embodiment. And if they were to invite Baroness Thatcher to No10 and secure the blessing of Tony Blair, they would be anointed for an unparalleled fourth term.

Cranmer would also recommend elevating Oona King to the House of Lords. It does not matter what portfolio she holds; she is beatiful, charming, eloquent, and the people adore her.

He would also elevate Shazia Mirza to the House of Lords - just to irritate the hell out of Lord Ahmed.

Concurrent with this re-shuffle (if that is not to tame a word) would be the imperative of keeping certain personalities out of the media altogether, especially Gordon Brown, Alastair Darling, Harriet Harman, Patricia Hewitt, Dawn Primorolo, Keith Vaz, Ed Balls, Ed and David Miliband, Goeff Hoon, Jacqui Smith, and sundry lords (but especially Ahmed).

The public either loathe or distrust them, or both.

It is not that Cranmer wishes to assist this appalling Labour government in any way. But he is increasingly disturbed by the complacency induced and the euphoria exhibited with each new opinion poll which is having the effect of inculcating a sense of inevitability about the outcome of the next general election. A Conservative victory is not assured, and a Cameron premiership is by no means a foregone conclusion.


Blogger Sue said...

I'm think Gordon will hang on for dear life to be honest. He's far too egotistical to give up the position. He would have to be pushed HARD and people are scared of him!

17 February 2009 at 12:15  
Blogger Dungeekin said...

I'm afraid that I do have a sense of inevitability about the next Election.

I believe - and I've been saying this for a long time - I believe it's inevitable that it WON'T happen.

Law after law, Act after Act, our freedoms and rights have been stripped away. This Regime now holds more power than any outside wartime.

The carefully-crafted vagueness of counter-terror legislation and public order law will allow them to use it to keep hold of what they prize most - power.

I believe there'll be a 'significant terrorist threat', or a narrowly-averted act of terror, which will require the imposition of the CCA.

And that will be it. New Labour totalitarianism, completed in my lifetime.


17 February 2009 at 12:18  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Quite so. I have yet to be convinced that Cameron et al actually want to win it. Who would?

17 February 2009 at 12:24  
Anonymous gadgie said...

well as far as I can see there is no scottish and welsh mp's in your list which is a plus.

17 February 2009 at 12:40  
Blogger Cranmer said...

Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss Gadgie,

His Grace could not be bothered to fill every post of government. The secretaries of state for Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are something of an electoral irrelevance.

17 February 2009 at 12:49  
Blogger an ex-apprentice said...

One, and only one, of your nominations has merit - Kate Hoey.

The rest are deserving only of lamp-posts, except perhaps for Field.

And as for suggesting that self-regarding turncoat Quentin Davies for DEFENCE of all things, words fail me.

Your Grace should turn down the incense burner, too much, already.

17 February 2009 at 12:49  
Blogger Cranmer said...

Mr Ex-Apprentice,

His Grace is neither advocating the merit nor lauding the integrity of any of these characters; merely stating this would be a winning formula and would contribute to an electoral victory for Labour.

17 February 2009 at 12:53  
Blogger Cranmer said...

He has decided to add that statement to his post, though he thought it was manifestly obvious.

17 February 2009 at 12:54  
Blogger Indigo said...

Cranmer shares my concerns. He also has good council with the Universe, which has given him a firm appreciation of its mischievous nature: nothing more so pleases it than (as CS Lewis once said) to raise its victims to dizzy heights before casting them down into the chasm of humility.

Let His warning be heard. But the imperative of keeping certain personalities out of the media reminds me of a certain surgical operation involving a pineapple.

17 February 2009 at 12:58  
Blogger an ex-apprentice said...

Your Grace,

Forgive me for implying you had taken leave of your incorporeal senses.

My immediate reaction was, of course, based on shock and outrage at the very idea that, by simply moving around the deck-chairs, this hapless bunch of out-and-out chancers could somehow be absolved, in the mind of the apparently witless voter, from responsibility for the state of total ruination their government have delivered so unerringly.

Given, however, that 28% still support Labour in the latest poll, you may be right.


17 February 2009 at 13:25  
Blogger Dave H said...

Show more respect for Harriet Harman QC MP, Lord Privy Seal, Leader of the House of Commons, Deputy Leader & Chair of the Labour Party and Minster for Women.

Surely only the most outstandingly gifted individual could have so many titles? She must be right about multi-tasking, too.

Unless, of course, she's crap at all of them and was only appointed for being female.

17 February 2009 at 13:45  
Blogger Microcosm said...

'significant terrorist threat'

Indeed Dungeekin I too am waiting in anticipation for the next false flag. I am so glad of folk like Brian Garrish who has held talks within mosques, telling them the reality of the Lib/Lab/Con Bilderburgers game.

Vote none of the above!

17 February 2009 at 14:04  
Anonymous Gnostic said...

Your Grace, I'd rather vote for Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men. When they talk a load of fobberlob at least you know they are being sincere. ;)

17 February 2009 at 14:50  
Anonymous churchmouse said...

I suspect that Your Grace's posting verges on the allegorical! That is, I hope the right people will read you as suggesting a direction for a campaign against the master manipulators. If not the Conservatives, perhaps, some group who care about Britain and who wish to oust these dictators. (What about the Church, then?)

Such people might even do something revolutionary like appealing to the intellect via the emotions. Pax! Of course I realize that's one of the oldest literary and Christian gambits!

The move would, however, involve a campaign for propagating alternative sources of information. Clearly, the present media won't cut it; and another hurdle is to overcome the pseudo-intelligence that post-modernism upholds in tandem with its Anti-Christ. (Again - Christian teaching has all the ammunition it needs for puncturing the puffed up ones!)

Further - I agree with many here who fear that we no longer have a franchise. Even if we seem to, I fear that its integrity will be compromised.

Further still - why do we trust the polls? Are they not a powerful weapon for disinformation?

17 February 2009 at 14:55  
Anonymous Did someone Say False Flag said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

17 February 2009 at 15:01  
Blogger Wrinkled Weasel said...

I am thankful that His Grace is disembodied. He would have been an asset to the Labour Party; his cabinet is inspirational.

The Tories cannot win in the state they are in presently, but Labour can, and certainly will lose.

17 February 2009 at 15:36  
Anonymous What goes around... said...

His grace wrote

The second is that it matters very much, and anyone but Gordon Brown at the helm would stand a better chance of delivering
Labour a fourth term.

Well - it worked for the Conservatives when they deposed Margaret Thatcher didn't it. Kinnock said something like "Our biggest problem was that people couldn't believe that Major had been part of what had gone before"

17 February 2009 at 16:41  
Blogger it's either banned or compulsory said...

Dungeekin said
"Law after law, Act after Act, our freedoms and rights have been stripped away. This Regime now holds more power than any outside wartime."

And what would the Conservatives do about that ? Nothing.

17 February 2009 at 16:51  
Blogger Indigo said...

There is an old Buddhist saying that says 'there are no such things as problems, just decisions', and I have decided I have have had about three life times enough of these twats, and the only alternative is conservative.

17 February 2009 at 17:13  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The choice of leader of the Labour party is like choosing who would like to be helmsman of the Titanic.
Gordons been on the rocks so many times it looking like the boat might sink soon anyway.

17 February 2009 at 18:39  
Anonymous Gordon Brown said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

17 February 2009 at 19:47  
Anonymous demotic said...

Isn't Alan Johnson an atheist?

17 February 2009 at 20:03  
Blogger Oldrightie said...

Bishop, delusion be thy name.

17 February 2009 at 20:04  
Anonymous The Truth is Out There said...

And on the eighth day God made Hanger 57, and He was well pleased, and he said to its inhabitants "go forth and speak much crap and confusion so as to confound thy people who will be as sand falling from a camel's anus".

17 February 2009 at 20:34  
Blogger brian said...

I think you have it about right, Your Grace, but there is still an awful lot of dismal dross in the line-up, but nevertheless it's about the best of the lot. So, while you have a point, I still don't think they would make it nor, as I think you well know, it simply won't happen. What would swing it is that the almost scattergun approach to solving the crisis may find a hit [the laws of probabilities almost ensure it, eventually] - the economy starts to move in the right direction. What do you think will happen then? Back will come, if not 'saviour of the world', at least, 'saviour of the uk and the polls will most definitely see a change and the next GE will be a desperate struggle.

17 February 2009 at 20:50  
Anonymous Yeah Right said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

17 February 2009 at 21:24  
OpenID curly15 said...

Don't forget Tony Blair the $1m scratch card winner.

18 February 2009 at 10:36  
Blogger ENGLISHMAN said...

Who wins election to the provisional parliament is just a public relations exercise,who ever wins it will be just more of the same since they can only do as they are told by our masters in brussels,it is just theatre to convince the proles that thier vote means something,whatever set of scoundrels the blind elect makes absolutely no difference to the welfare of the English people since thier welfare is not on the agenda.

18 February 2009 at 11:40  
Blogger Perdix said...

Oona King has been a sickening Brown-noser. She should not be in any government.

18 February 2009 at 17:41  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Frank Field for PM. He supports an English Parliament. Until Labour wake up and admit the damage done to us with Brown's Auld Enemy Policies, they haven't a cat in hells chance of winning again. They could wrong foot the Tories at stroke with that policy. We don't want England broken up into regions. Jiggling around with the county councils will not give us national representation. An English Parliament is the only policy that can save them now - and an English Labour Party to go with it.

18 February 2009 at 22:36  
Anonymous jeremy hyatt said...

Everyone adores Oona King???

No they don't.

25 February 2009 at 17:41  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Labour will not win the next general election, he brown will not go people in his party are scared of him and also despite the fact most people work, the underlying ongoing recession and the fact brown did cause this recession he after all was chancellor that led to the lax framework for regulating the banks

means no apology for recession definitely no reelection

Labour are sleaze as john majors government was, eroding civil liberties and human rights this has to be one of the most hated governments since the last years of John Major we are heading towards change and it is long overdue

Goodbye and good riddance to labour may you not be relected for at least the next 20 odd years - after all thats how long it will take to pay off all the national debt

one more thing - i predict brown will bankrupt britain and that will seal labour's widerness for a very long time
this man has an arrogance and a sense of he is never in the wrong which means he should never have been elected pm but then again he wasn't was he elected that is !

14 March 2009 at 09:07  

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