Sunday, March 01, 2009

Cranmer’s Pulpit (and trivial statistics)

Cranmer is delighted to announce that another milestone has been passed upon his august blog of intelligent and erudite comment upon matters religio-political. The month of February was a record, recording 57,543 unique visitors from 163 countries, representing 83,044 page views. It is all the more surprising to have achieved this during the shortest month. A further three days would have easily surpassed the 60,000 threshold.

February 2009 was 123 per cent up on February 2008, and 26 per cent up on last month.

His Grace was not long-listed for the Orwell Prize, for he has manifestly not sufficiently contributed to making political writing an art. The Orwell judging panel instead favoured inter alia two BBC blogs, two blogs from The Times and The Guardian, and the UK’s leading bloggers Tom Harris MP and Iain Dale. Only three out of the final 12 could be described as right of centre.

Given the manifest and long-established dominance of the 'right-wing' blogosphere, the preponderance of 'left-wing' blogs on this long list gives a hint of something a little... Orwellian.

Or perhaps His Grace has simply misunderstood the meaning of ‘art’.

Cranmer has drawn solace from Mr Dale, who judged his blog to be one of the ‘Ten Best Written Political Blogs’, with the citation: ‘His Grace is fluent and erudite and always entertaining whether or not you agree with some of his more dogmatic meanderings. There's no doubt he deserves a column on the Catholic Herald!’

Cranmer would refer to porcine aviation, but he has no desire to offend gratuitously his Muslim readers and communicants.

Cranmer has learnt from Mr Dale that the only reliable visitor figures come from Google Analytics, which records 33,416 ‘Absolute Unique Visitors’. But His Grace is damned if he can understand the difference between ‘unique’ and ‘absolute unique’.

One cannot qualify a superlative.

His ‘top landing page’ has been Lord Ahmed threatens Parliament into submission, with 4,911 views.

His personal favourite of the month was Quantitative easing - Mammon from heaven, but no-one else thought so.

He shall not waste hours of his life again on such artistry. Especially since he fails to understand the meaning of art in any case.

Cranmer is concerned to note that 3,886 people have visited between 101-200 times over the past 28 days. And he is profoundly concerned to learn that 3,851 people have visited 201+ times, which is in excess of 7 times a day.

He exhorts these most loyal readers and communicants to reconsider that from which they are abstaining during Lent. His statistics are as nothing to the state of their soul.

In celebration of this record month, and in perpetual commemoration of the spiritual liberation afforded by his own pulpit experience with the Provost of Eton, Dr Henry Cole, His Grace is pleased to offer this ‘Cranmer’s Pulpit’ to his communicants for the raising of whatever religio-political or politico-religious concerns they do so wish (intelligently and eruditely, of course).


Anonymous The Grand Old Duke of Rotherham said...

'The truth shall set you free'
Geert Wilders' Party's rapid rise - now the largest in the Netherlands, according to latest polls.

1 March 2009 at 08:27  
Blogger Witterings From Witney said...

You are a daily read and linked to as such. Congratulations on your popularity - well deserved.

1 March 2009 at 09:23  
Blogger Cranmer said...

Mr Witterings from Witney,

His Grace thanks you for your kind comments, but had no idea you had linked.

You had but to ask.

He is delighted to reciprocate.

1 March 2009 at 09:35  
Blogger The Heresiarch said...

Be of good cheer, Master Cranmer, despite your absence from the list. These things are but meaningless baubles. Besides, some of us need the attention more than you do.

1 March 2009 at 09:49  
Blogger Cranmer said...

Mr Heresiarch,

His Grace congratulates you, but thinks you have no need at all for more attention than he. Meaningless baubles can be a source of great security, whereupon they cease to be meaningless.

Unless, of course, His Grace has also misunderstood the definition of meaninglessness, which may also be an art.

1 March 2009 at 09:58  
Anonymous mckenzie said...

I have often wondered whether Orwell was divinely inspired, such is the nature of things unfolding they way they are.

Indeed we may not always agree with you, and I am very sure that you have communicants you would like to evaporate on a petri dish, but this is almost a real and tangible place, it is genuinely fresh and honest in every superlative meaning of the words.

I have to confess that I am one of these people you speak of who's soul is in rather bad shape, but I know, it is no secret. Maybe you are on to something here though. Give my regards to George, tell him I love his books and I look forward to meeting him on the other side.

1 March 2009 at 10:05  
Anonymous Gnostic said...

Your Grace, as you know I am a new communicant. I have yet to witness a prime example of your splendidly splenetic sermonising but do not have the time to read all of your past works. My choice of sermon would be the thrice damned, devil's work, the EU. Please give them hellfire, Your Grace.

Your humble servant and devoted communicant.

Gnostic (Mrs)

PS Re the Orwell Prize; don't worry Your Grace. The BBC and the Guardian being shortlisted is hardly surprising. Aren't they the main proponents of Newspeak after all?

1 March 2009 at 10:09  
Blogger an ex-apprentice said...

"Cranmer is concerned to note that 3,886 people have visited between 101-200 times over the past 28 days. And he is profoundly concerned to learn that 3,851 people have visited 201+ times, which is in excess of 7 times a day."

Obviously 25 people just weren't trying.

But then mckenzie's here 25 times a day, so it probably all balances out.

1 March 2009 at 10:12  
Blogger The Heresiarch said...

Indeed the Heresiarch never suggested that he needed more attention than his grace; merely that such attention as it was in the judges' capacity to bestow shone more brightly into his obscure corner than it could have done upon the radiance of his grace's pyre.

1 March 2009 at 10:20  
Blogger John M Ward said...

It is clear that the Orwellian criteria do not embrace the value of a 'blog, only its artistic merit, which is subjective anyway. There are far more important measurements of one's worth, and of one's time dwelling on them.

My own top criterion is to imagine what it would be like if a particular 'blog (or whatever) were suddenly to cease, as some good ones have done.

A side aspect of this is whether what has already been published remains or whether the site is taken down. Yes, there are places to find cached copies (if one knows where to look, which most don't) but their impact on the world is much diminished if they vanish from their original locations.

Those are the stark matters that I judge to be the most valuable appraisals of a 'blog's worth, and it has to be said that Your Grace's is one of the comparatively few that would leave a very real 'hole' in the Blogosphere if it weren't here one day.

Now, that to me is worth more than a thousand Orwellian-style plaudits!

1 March 2009 at 10:34  
Anonymous mckenzie said...


1 March 2009 at 11:50  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Were someone to leave a link to Cranmer's blog open in a tabbed window, waiting for a response from another commenter for instance, that might result in multiple apparent connections from the same address as the page refreshes. Just a thought. Nothing is quite what it seems on the net - lies, damn lies and whopping great stinkers, as they say in statistical circles.

1 March 2009 at 12:01  
Anonymous len said...

Congratulations your grace, as for the statistics(blogging in excess of 7 times a day) is it addictive? or is presenting the Truth somewhat like swimming upstream?

1 March 2009 at 12:16  
Anonymous mckenzie said...

Go placidly amid the noise and haste.
And remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations
to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become
vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser
persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let not this blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere
life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for on the face of all aridity
and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass,
Take kindly to counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering
the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune,
But do not distress yourself with imaginings, many fears are
born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees or stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is
unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with
God, whatever you conceive him to be,
And whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful, strive to be happy.

1 March 2009 at 14:46  
Anonymous Preacher said...

Your Grace.
Many congratulations on a first class Blog. Since stumbling upon it a short time ago it has become a highlight of my day, anticipated with great relish. With regard to art, it's as the man said "I don't know much about art, but I know what I like". I must admit that I enjoy the wit & responses that you tease from your regular communicants, its rather like belonging to a large but dysfunctional family at times, crazy but comfortable, or perhaps it's just me. Anyway keep up the good work, life's too grey without you.

1 March 2009 at 16:17  
Anonymous uh,Bob. said...

Speaking of art, the essence of art is creation and expression. Your Graceship uses words as His medium to give expression to his cyber creation. It was Shakespeare who asked, "whats in a name, a rose is still a rose by any other name" 'Rose' is just a word, and words are seemingly absorbed instantaneously as our eyes scan across a sentence. But consciousness is, like everything else, a process, and between any two points there are numerous beginnings and endings.

Consider the Rose, a word. The rose is so much of a process though, the unfolding of beauty over time: the nature of the season, the rain, the sunshine, the morning dew, the deep crimson petals and the soft perfume that will uplift the soul.

The meaning of all words will change and expand their full meaning as a soul moves through life and develops, and it's consciousness deepens. The whole world, the universe is a canvass, an expression in creative form, which gives meaning to the divine order.

All words are art, and will in time flower like a rose in the seasons of a mind. We have not the capacity to fully understand the divine order, but this should not be a frustration that would stop us from entering in at the beginning. And this much I am sure of, whatever the truth may be, unless a man can appreciate Christ, he will make no possible progress beyond.

1 March 2009 at 17:36  
Anonymous tammy swofford said...

Congratulations on securing the readership which views 7+ times per day. That would be the bipolar manic depressives in need of their Lithium adjusted. smile

Great Blog!


1 March 2009 at 20:53  
Anonymous mckenzie said...


I have been reading your blog and I think I can help. Meditation, deep breathing, plenty of fruit and vegetables and early nights.

Cut out the coffee and slowly cut back on sugar. I don't know if you smoke, but that has been known to make people hyper, causing random speech patterns. So NO smoking either.

Take plenty of baths and use aromatherapy oils and incense burners, and use lots of candles and play some gentle soft music. Go to the library and take out some books about drawing, and engage in creativity. Art will teach you how to observe things in nature. Nature will give you inspiration to see things more holistically. This will slowly change you from a negative rambling, over-worked nurse. This will not only benefit you, but you will notice how people begin to react differently when you start to smile instead of scowl, especially people with tattoos, I know they are your favorite.

Come back here in one months time and share your new experiences. I don't know where you are up to with God, but throw a prayer or two in if you can also. Its mostly about adopting a positive attitude. The main concept to assimilate into your psyche is appreciation. Appreciation with naturally flow into care and love, and before long you will see changes in how everything is working around you, you will feel positively connected, a sense of belonging, like this is your planet also.

Good luck Tam XXxXX

1 March 2009 at 22:18  
Anonymous mckenzie said...

I forgot to mention alcohol, oh, and LSD, definitely no LSD, it doesn't even help to be honest. If you can avoid alcohol completely then great, but one glass of red wine should be OK.

The key thing with all of this is gradually, take things gradually, don't try to achieve everything all at once. If you get a bad day when you feel drained, use vitamin E and honey. Vitamin E will oxygenate your blood and the honey will give you that gentle and natural sugary boost. I usually save that tip for special people, but, hell that blog kind of highlights your case.

If you have any questions then email me, anytime. I will give you the email address of the person who deals with my correspondence. If you can avoid saying anything, anything strange, avoid saying anything strange Tammy and it should be OK.


Just one question for now: is Lithium a prescription medicine?

2 March 2009 at 00:28  
Anonymous Voyager said...

I have often wondered whether Orwell was divinely inspired, such is the nature of things unfolding they way they are.

Marx wrote a thesis based upon observations of the Paris Commune and wanted to dedicate Das Kapital to Charles Darwin - after all he gave the romanticism of The Commune the "human engine" of Darwinism to get them to that point......

Orwell simply looked at Spain and the factions in the Civil War with adherence to faction being paramount and factions fighting to he knew his Socialists and their very bourgeois notions of supreme control allied to populist divine right doctrines of absolutism

It was obvious that Socialism would take root in countries that were monarchical since the centralisation of power and rule by divine right is what appealed most to the bourgeois lawyers and journalists who ached for power but simply lacked experience of life or any popular support.

Socialism is rooted in romanticised notions of pre-industrial eras but needs the money of industrial societies to buy itself into power by creating a New Leisured Class unlike the one Veblen (The Theory of the Leisure Class 1899) is the Prolekult Era that has created a workless and leisured class living off the community chest

2 March 2009 at 06:56  
Anonymous len said...

Orwell was a genius, the only thing he got wrong was the date,everything else spot on!.

2 March 2009 at 07:35  

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