Thursday, April 23, 2009

'Made in England' - the BBC's 'alternative national anthem'


This is Boris out and about in London today, celebrating St George and England's national day. Please enjoy it. Be enthused, uplifted and edified by it. For Cranmer is about to depress and distress you utterly.

Believe it or not, the BBC (ie taxpayers) and the Arts Council of England (ie taxpayers) have forked out for a brand new national anthem for England. Forget 'Land of Hope and Glory', reject 'I Vow to Thee, My Country' and set aside 'Jerusalem'. For the BBC and the Arts Council commissioned Sam Dunkley to compose 'Made in England'.

Here are the truly inspirational lyrics. If anyone can find a link to the performance of this important composition, please let Cranmer know and he shall post it:

New alternative national anthem

I am England, England is inside of me.
I am England, England is what I want her to be,
I am England, I am English, I am England to my core,
And wherever you may find me, you'll find England.
England Forever More!
England, my England, she never lets me down,
Hustle bustle, urban tussle, dancing through the crowds,
Or out in the country, a fresh place for me to breathe,
England my England is always home to me!
Fish and chips in paper, with mushy peas,
Balti chicken, naan bread and onion bhajis,
A cup of tea and toast, roast beef and Yorkshire pudding,
Tastes of our culture, tastes like England to me!
Swing low sweet chariot, God Save The Queen!
Land of hope and glory and of pleasant mountains green,
England's future, past and today live in our minds on St George's Day,
England, England, my country!

Can you believe it?

What a lyrical genius to come up with ‘Fish and chips in paper with mushy peas. Balti chicken with naan bread and onion bhajis.’

This is a requiem to New Labour's New Britain. It is utterly banal.

34 Comments:

Blogger Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs said...

Your Grace,

I am beyond words. I'm half expecting Mr Beadle to pop out and say it was just for a laugh...

23 April 2009 at 18:37  
Blogger Cranmer said...

Mr Beware of Geeks,

His Grace welcomes you to his august blog of intelligent and erudite comment upon matters religio-political.

He would like to say that your nom-de-plume is the funniest he has come across for many months, and he thanks you for making him laugh.

He only wishes some of his persistent anonymice would discover such creativity.

23 April 2009 at 18:45  
Anonymous Jon T said...

Here is this rubbish performed:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/threecounties/realmedia/2009/04/anthem_for_england.ram

(Realplayer required!?)

23 April 2009 at 18:53  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your Grace, I believe the 8th and 9th lines actually read:

"Hustle bustle, turbans rustle, pushing through the crowd,
infidels and all things haram
soon won't be allowed!"

23 April 2009 at 19:05  
Blogger Cranmer said...

Mr John T,

His Grace has tried that route, but he has not the necessary 'links' to hear the composition, and Mr Geeks bearing GIFs has not enlightened him with regard to what he must do, for pressing 'ok' has not downloaded the necessary 'links', so he has given up, for life is too short, especially when one is already dead, and the 'anthem' is undoubtedly not worth hearing in any case.

23 April 2009 at 19:11  
Blogger ultramontane grumpy old catholic said...

"By their fruits ye shall know them.."

The BBC and the Arts Council - good candidates for deep cuts in this era of austerity.

However, I dream on...

23 April 2009 at 19:37  
Anonymous Hank Petram said...

What pathetic tripe. What exactly is the status of this so-called "alternative national anthem"? Wouldn't it take an Act of Parliament to replace the existing national anthem or even to add a new "alternative" one? As far as I'm aware, neither the BBC nor the Arts Council has any say in such matters. They may make recommendations, I suppose, but then so could anyone else, couldn't they?

23 April 2009 at 20:01  
Anonymous Voyager said...

Reductio Ad Absurdam

23 April 2009 at 20:37  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you save the file as opposed to opening it, you can then open real player, find the file and 'open'.

I have not tested this because I will not have real player anywhere near my machine.

23 April 2009 at 20:56  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a dreadful song.

Sorry to say that it works in RealPlayer

No place for chinese food ? perhaps they should try and blow up a train or so if they want in the next "anthem"

23 April 2009 at 21:08  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

onion bhajis ???
Why do they always have to bring in the multi cultural stuff, why cant we just for once celebrate England without anything the social engineering?
No offence meant in saying that but we are English and onion bhajis are not although I can eat them all day lonf

23 April 2009 at 21:48  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is what you get if you walk into a classroom and ask a class of fourteen years olds to write a poem. Out of 30 responses, there's always at least one chipshop, and you usually get a few buggers and farts as well.

I suspect we will find some kid claiming copyright on this tat.

Monty

23 April 2009 at 22:01  
Blogger Pete said...

If you must listen to it - I have, I wish I hadn't, use Media Player Classic to avoid real player
http://sourceforge.net/projects/guliverkli2/

23 April 2009 at 22:08  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes = I fear the Greeks even though they bring gifts.

I much prefer the English Democrats' acerbic poster:

"England - twinned with Tibet: no culture, no identity, no [self-]government allowed."

Alfred of Wessex (who can no longer be bothered with this registration business)

23 April 2009 at 22:15  
Anonymous A non Believer said...

I believe the Illuminati are the secret rulers of the World but I'm not going to believe this, are you sure you're not pulling our leg your Grace.

23 April 2009 at 22:19  
Anonymous Sandy Jamieson said...

Even the Great William Topaz McGonigall would have thought twice about this one.

23 April 2009 at 23:40  
Blogger Theresa said...

That's the trouble with national anthems. Politics and music just don't mix, as WS observed

The man that hath no music in himself,
Nor is not moved with concord of sweet sounds,
Is fit for treasons, stratagems and spoils;
The motions of his spirit are dull as night
And his affections dark as Erebus:
Let no such man be trusted.

There's really only two good national anthems in Europe; the German one, which is good because it was written by an Austrian for a string quartet and stolen; and La Marseillaise, which is good cos it's about rebellion and there's something about rebellion that stirs the blood (and the music). The American one is decent but as Al Murray points out, it's about a flag (it was originally a drinking song).

But I would never confuse the great McGonagall with this mediocre rubbish; McGonagall was not mediocre bad, which is the worst kind of bad, but magnificently bad with style;

'Alas! Lord and Lady Dalhousie are dead and buried at last;
Which has caused many people to feel
A little downcast..'

You cannae whack it..

24 April 2009 at 01:54  
Anonymous not a machine said...

no mention of violent crime and 4000 people a year dying through alcohol , hardly a true picture is it ??

24 April 2009 at 02:32  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Libera me, Domine de Chorus Chav-orum.

Requiem for all that is crass.


George

24 April 2009 at 03:21  
Anonymous non mouse said...

I don't suppose for a moment that it's a song - at least not one with a tune. As for the foreign onion things - wouldn't touch 'em, let alone sing about 'em.

Theresa - used to agree with you about the froggies' 'froat-clearing' anthem; now it just reminds me of de gaulle and his-puffed-up-chest-beating 'Pour Moi. Pour de Gaulle. Pour la France.' All sound, no substance. And such an ugly language.

As for the Gerries.... don't really know what theirs is, but if it's the old Kaiser one, well that's just marching music isn't it?

What do we need a new one for, anyway? Because frogs and gerries and mozzies don't like the real one? They should all get out and go home and make their own noise there, shouldn't they?

24 April 2009 at 03:37  
Anonymous non mouse said...

I don't suppose for a moment that it's a song - at least not one with a tune. As for the foreign onion things - wouldn't touch 'em, let alone sing about 'em.

Theresa - used to agree with you about the froggies' 'froat-clearing' anthem; now it just reminds me of de gaulle and his-puffed-up-chest-beating 'Pour Moi. Pour de Gaulle. Pour la France.' All sound, no substance. And such an ugly language.

As for the Gerries.... don't really know what theirs is, but if it's the old Kaiser one, well that's just marching music isn't it?

What do we need a new one for, anyway? Because frogs and gerries and mozzies and atheists don't like the real one? They should all get out and go home and make their own noise there, shouldn't they?

24 April 2009 at 03:38  
Blogger Gnostic said...

Found scribbled on a crumpled piece of paper that had been discarded on the floor of the Member's Bar, Westminster.

I am Labour, Labour is inside of me.
I am Labour, Labour is what I want you to be,
I am Labour, I am Brownite, I am Socialist to my core,
And wherever you may find me, you'll find Labour.
Labour Forever More!
Labour, my Labour, will always let you down,
Hustle bustle, expenses tussle, raking in the pounds,
And out in the country, I'll gloat while you shall seethe,
The fruit of your Labour will buy two homes for me!
Fishermen in prison, don’t' get mushy please,
They landed the wrong species out of the Baltic Sea,
Parliament is useless, a holed and sinking wreck,
Tastes of EU culture, tastes like Labour to me!
God help sweet Harriet, God Save Brown!
Land of hopeless spinning and unpleasant, mounting debt,
Labour's future, past and today will prey on your minds come election day,
In the name of Labour, I gave away your country!

I fear you are correct, Your Grace. A Labour anthem for certain. Still terrible doggerel though. The redrafted "official" version is scarcely better.

24 April 2009 at 08:02  
Blogger Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs said...

Your Grace,

If one wishes to listen to the abomination then one must download the free Real Media Player from here.

Then one can grit teeth and play the offending item here.

I have looked for an MP3 or WAV file that would not require Your Grace to download a third party application, but as such, failed in my quest.

Beware of Geeks wearing Sackcloth.

24 April 2009 at 08:04  
Blogger Gnostic said...

Sam Dunkley is a pseudonym. That song is straight out of the Faith Foundation Book of Common Lies by Tony Blair...

24 April 2009 at 08:14  
Anonymous martin sewell said...

So last century. Is anything "Made in England" anymore? Nothing of quality if this is anything to go by.

24 April 2009 at 09:37  
Anonymous E.B. Pusey redivivus said...

Far better is the following by Henry Fielding:

1. When mighty Roast Beef
Was the Englishman's food,
It ennobled our brains
And enriched our blood.
Our soldiers were brave
And our courtiers were good
Oh the Roast Beef of old England
And old English Roast Beef

2. But since we have learnt
From all-vapouring France
To eat their ragouts
As well as to dance,
We're fed up with nothing
But vain complaisance
Oh the Roast Beef of Old England
And old English Roast Beef

3. But now we are dwindled to,
What shall I name?
A poor sneaking race,
Half-begotten and tame,
Who sully the honours
That once shone in fame.
Oh the Roast Beef of Old England
And old English Roast Beef
4. In those days if fleets did
Presume on the Main,
They seldom, if ever,
Returned home again,
As witness the vaunting
Armada of Spain
Oh the Roast Beef of Old England
And old English Roast Beef

5. Oh then we had stomachs
To eat and to fight
And when wrongs were a-cooking
To do ourselves right.
But now we're a . . . .
I could, but goodnight!
Oh the Roast Beef of Old England
And old English Roast Beef.

24 April 2009 at 09:48  
Anonymous Maturecheese said...

I think most English people would prefer 'Jerusalem' as their national anthem. I know I would, It is far more stirring than GSTQ and fills me with pride and love for my country, similar to what the Welsh anthem does for Wales. Surely that which you have posted on your blog is a wind up?

24 April 2009 at 10:25  
Anonymous Guy Macher said...

The language of the Bard reduced to barf.

24 April 2009 at 12:35  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd like "Jerusalem" or "I Vow to Thee my Country" both stirring and uplifting as opposed to the dirge of GSTQ. However, trendy clerics won't allow them to be sung in their churches!

Joe

24 April 2009 at 12:47  
Blogger cornubian said...

I'll eat my hat when the BBC spends money to promote Cornish cultural nationalism in the same way.

Just one more example of English nationalism / Anglo-supremacism from an organisation that is supposed to be 'British'.

24 April 2009 at 14:05  
Blogger D. Singh said...

Your Grace,

This is another example where it is clear that the moral development of BBC executives was arrested in their second year at university.

The solution is to privatise the BBC.

24 April 2009 at 14:18  
Anonymous Stephen Gash said...

Why are all things British, shite?

Neogolism - Britishite.

24 April 2009 at 17:42  
Anonymous Stephen Gash said...

If England ever recovers from this economic depression (known as a 'Brown down') I sincerely hope that one thing that does not appear at the end of it, is the BBC.

It is an exemplar of bad state broadcasting, especially its news output. Where does it differ from Sky News and Channel4? It even has adverts when commercial stations do, except it advertises itself, or threatens fines for non-payment of the BBC tax.

Try channel hopping at 7pm between BBC News 24, Sky News, Channel 4 News. Same news, same order. The BBC could bring us news the others omit, like how Muslims are burning villages down in the Philippines, or Muslims beheading children in Indonesia.

No, we get the same old stuff.

24 April 2009 at 17:59  
Blogger Beverly said...

NuLabour are horrible. Horrible.

As for the American national anthem, Isaac Asimov wrote movingly about it.

“The Defence of Fort McHenry” [as it was first known]. Here are all four stanzas.
Do you wonder why we never ever sing stanzas 2-4?

Oh! say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh! say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream.
'Tis the star-spangled banner. Oh! long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footstep's pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Oh! thus be it ever, when free men shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war's desolation,
Blest with victory and peace, may the Heaven-rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just,
And this be our motto — "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

(To the commenter above, no, it wasn't a drinking song, but a poem by Francis Scott Key. Might have been Used as a drinking song, tho.) Nobody is allowed to talk about "conquering" or "just causes" any more. Gutless cowards. Quislings.

Here's the Azimov link:
http://www.purewatergazette.net/asimov.htm

"Jerusalem" is magnificent. We cry for the Mother Country.

16 September 2009 at 03:01  

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