Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Speaker to resign

There are rumours hither and thither that Speaker Martin is about to announce his resignation.

As we await confirmation, Cranmer has decided to pass away the hours with a little commemorative verse. It is fitting that such occasions of national celebration be immortalised in the fashion of 'Remember, remember the Fifth of November'.

His Grace is happy to versify his words earlier today:

If the Early Day Motion
never becomes a Substantive Motion,
then Andrew Motion
must pen an ode to the Brownian motion
by which Parliament was reduced to a bowel motion.

TS Eliot might have observed:

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together.
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!

And the new Poet Laureate Carol Duffy has offered:

What did we do with the trust of your vote?
Hired a flunky to flush out the moat.

His Grace looks forward to the literary creativity of his communicants.


Blogger McKenzie said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

19 May 2009 at 11:30  
Anonymous oiznop said...

There was an old speaker called Mick,
Who made everyone feel a bit sick.
He ducked and dived
Lied and connived
But everyone knew he was a prick.

19 May 2009 at 11:41  
Anonymous Hank Petram said...

What the future ex-Speaker means by a "substantive" motion is one that tends to add to MPs' gross income, i.e. to make them men and women of substance.

19 May 2009 at 11:47  
Blogger Dungeekin said...

I've had a poetic crack at it, with apologies to W H Auden. . .

There goes Mick Martin, back o'er the border,
No longer will he say "Order, Order",
Expenses for the rich, all claiming for more,
And letting the Plod break down Damian's door,
A failure as Speaker, and now it's his time,
All confidence lost due to all of his crimes.
His partisan ways a disgrace to the Chamber,
He gave Opposition MPs the cold shoulder,
Though yesterday he tried to plead to the masses,
He'd always just tried to make war between classes
Though MPs all cheer as his time approaches,
They should know it won't save the other cockroaches.
The Speaker refused to turn his course,
He waffled on while faith was lost,
So though his passing is no great shakes,
Knowing he's next the Prime Minister quakes.

19 May 2009 at 11:59  
Anonymous JohnC said...

I wondered lonely as a corrupt MP
That waits on high to be deselected,
When all at once constituents I see
And promptly defacated;
Down my trouser leg it all decants-
A lot of shit to fill my pants.

19 May 2009 at 12:08  
Anonymous Maturecheese said...

Hear this hear this, snouts out lads, looks like the games up

I did nothing wrong,its within the rules, sounds a bit lame

Her Majesty's Constabulary will be putting a case that's open and shut

Dishonourable members, for the sake of decency, hang our heads in shame

19 May 2009 at 12:09  
Anonymous JohnC said...

PS - apologies to Wordsworth

19 May 2009 at 12:09  
Blogger McKenzie said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

19 May 2009 at 12:13  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


You mention Andrew Motion, but he's not the Nation's First Poet any more.

Your verse should be amended:

If the Early Day Motion
never becomes a Substantive Motion,
then Carol Duffy
All gay, pink and fluffy
Should get huffy and puffy over politicians so stuffy
And then dive into a welcoming muffy.

19 May 2009 at 12:16  
Blogger Timothy Belmont said...

This is obviously the right and proper thing for the Speaker to do. Whether he is going willingly or, most likely, pushed, is now the subject of more speculation.

I'm sure that the Rt Hon Michael Martin MP is a decent and honourable man; he's simply not up to the job and out of his depth.

Good luck to his successor.


19 May 2009 at 12:22  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So long
Auf wiedersehen

19 May 2009 at 12:59  
Anonymous len said...

If speaker Martin is about to go what about the rest, are they not equally as guilty?

19 May 2009 at 13:15  
Blogger Gnostic said...

The Glaswegian known as Gorbals Mick,
Is nowt more than a fraudulent prick.
His position as Speaker,
Grows weaker and weaker
He should quit coz he's making us sick.

19 May 2009 at 13:34  
Anonymous oiznop said...

Gnostic - you've just plagiarised all my rhymes. Can't you think up your own?

19 May 2009 at 13:38  
Blogger Gnostic said...

Sorry, I hadn;t actually read any of the others. :D

Want me to try again?

19 May 2009 at 13:45  
Blogger Dave H said...

In the room the women come and go
Talking of how that useless git Michael must go.

19 May 2009 at 13:55  
Blogger Gnostic said...

Gorbals Mick was a sheet metal worker
Whom as Speaker's a fraudulent shirker.
He wants to live and let live
Even though he's a spiv,
Unless you're a honourable Gurkha.

Is that better oiznop?

19 May 2009 at 13:57  
Blogger 13th Spitfire said...

O speaker, of spekar why art thou weaker?

That's all I have.

19 May 2009 at 14:06  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Leviticus 16 (King James Version)..

1 And the LORD spake unto Moses after the death of the two sons of Aaron, when they offered before the LORD, and died;

2 And the LORD said unto Moses, Speak unto Aaron thy brother, that he come not at all times into the holy place within the vail before the mercy seat, which is upon the ark; that he die not: for I will appear in the cloud upon the mercy seat.

3 Thus shall Aaron come into the holy place: with a young bullock for a sin offering, and a ram for a burnt offering.

4 He shall put on the holy linen coat, and he shall have the linen breeches upon his flesh, and shall be girded with a linen girdle, and with the linen mitre shall he be attired: these are holy garments; therefore shall he wash his flesh in water, and so put them on.

5 And he shall take of the congregation of the children of Israel two kids of the goats for a sin offering, and one ram for a burnt offering.

6 And Aaron shall offer his bullock of the sin offering, which is for himself, and make an atonement for himself, and for his house.

7 And he shall take the two goats, and present them before the LORD at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.

8 And Aaron shall cast lots upon the two goats; one lot for the LORD, and the other lot for the scapegoat.

9 And Aaron shall bring the goat upon which the LORD's lot fell, and offer him for a sin offering.

10 But the goat, on which the lot fell to be the scapegoat, shall be presented alive before the LORD, to make an atonement with him, and to let him go for a scapegoat into the wilderness.

11 And Aaron shall bring the bullock of the sin offering, which is for himself, and shall make an atonement for himself, and for his house, and shall kill the bullock of the sin offering which is for himself:

12 And he shall take a censer full of burning coals of fire from off the altar before the LORD, and his hands full of sweet incense beaten small, and bring it within the vail:

13 And he shall put the incense upon the fire before the LORD, that the cloud of the incense may cover the mercy seat that is upon the testimony, that he die not:

14 And he shall take of the blood of the bullock, and sprinkle it with his finger upon the mercy seat eastward; and before the mercy seat shall he sprinkle of the blood with his finger seven times.

15 Then shall he kill the goat of the sin offering, that is for the people, and bring his blood within the vail, and do with that blood as he did with the blood of the bullock, and sprinkle it upon the mercy seat, and before the mercy seat:

16 And he shall make an atonement for the holy place, because of the uncleanness of the children of Israel, and because of their transgressions in all their sins: and so shall he do for the tabernacle of the congregation, that remaineth among them in the midst of their uncleanness.

17 And there shall be no man in the tabernacle of the congregation when he goeth in to make an atonement in the holy place, until he come out, and have made an atonement for himself, and for his household, and for all the congregation of Israel.

18 And he shall go out unto the altar that is before the LORD, and make an atonement for it; and shall take of the blood of the bullock, and of the blood of the goat, and put it upon the horns of the altar round about.

19 And he shall sprinkle of the blood upon it with his finger seven times, and cleanse it, and hallow it from the uncleanness of the children of Israel.

20 And when he hath made an end of reconciling the holy place, and the tabernacle of the congregation, and the altar, he shall bring the live goat:

21 And Aaron shall lay both his hands upon the head of the live goat, and confess over him all the iniquities of the children of Israel, and all their transgressions in all their sins, putting them upon the head of the goat, and shall send him away by the hand of a fit man into the wilderness:

22 And the goat shall bear upon him all their iniquities unto a land not inhabited: and he shall let go the goat in the wilderness.

23 And Aaron shall come into the tabernacle of the congregation, and shall put off the linen garments, which he put on when he went into the holy place, and shall leave them there:

24 And he shall wash his flesh with water in the holy place, and put on his garments, and come forth, and offer his burnt offering, and the burnt offering of the people, and make an atonement for himself, and for the people.

25 And the fat of the sin offering shall he burn upon the altar.

26 And he that let go the goat for the scapegoat shall wash his clothes, and bathe his flesh in water, and afterward come into the camp.

27 And the bullock for the sin offering, and the goat for the sin offering, whose blood was brought in to make atonement in the holy place, shall one carry forth without the camp; and they shall burn in the fire their skins, and their flesh, and their dung.

28 And he that burneth them shall wash his clothes, and bathe his flesh in water, and afterward he shall come into the camp.

29 And this shall be a statute for ever unto you: that in the seventh month, on the tenth day of the month, ye shall afflict your souls, and do no work at all, whether it be one of your own country, or a stranger that sojourneth among you:

30 For on that day shall the priest make an atonement for you, to cleanse you, that ye may be clean from all your sins before the LORD.

31 It shall be a sabbath of rest unto you, and ye shall afflict your souls, by a statute for ever.

32 And the priest, whom he shall anoint, and whom he shall consecrate to minister in the priest's office in his father's stead, shall make the atonement, and shall put on the linen clothes, even the holy garments:

33 And he shall make an atonement for the holy sanctuary, and he shall make an atonement for the tabernacle of the congregation, and for the altar, and he shall make an atonement for the priests, and for all the people of the congregation.

34 And this shall be an everlasting statute unto you, to make an atonement for the children of Israel for all their sins once a year. And he did as the LORD commanded Moses.

19 May 2009 at 14:28  
Blogger D. Singh said...

Your Grace,

Here is the daily prayer that is said in the House of Commons:

"Lord, the God of righteousness and truth, grant to our Queen and her government, to Members of Parliament and all in positions of responsibility, the guidance of your Spirit. May they never lead the nation wrongly through love of power, desire to please, or unworthy ideals but laying aside all private interests and prejudices keep in mind their responsibility to seek to improve the condition of all mankind; so may your kingdom come and your name be hallowed.

Tell me this Your Grace – did they really believe that they could abuse God; try His patience; speak with the mouth one thing and plot in the heart another?

Did they Your Grace?

19 May 2009 at 14:37  
Blogger OldSouth said...

Not poetical today, but heartened to see this news.

Speakers can be replaced.

Next, it's Pelosi's turn, having even less credibility than Martin.

Could we borrow your Tory back-benchers for a few days? We promise to give them back, just as soon as she's gone.

19 May 2009 at 15:05  
Blogger ukipwebmaster said...

Sometimes you get what they wished for:

19 May 2009 at 15:17  
Anonymous the recusant said...

Oldsouth love your picture, the Tory MPs name is Douglas Carswell and if there is any justice in this world he is a future Tory party leader not that dish rag Cameron, so no you can’t have him, our need is greater, even if you did elect the Obamanation.

We now have to start the rumour

Ann Widdecombe for Speaker,
Things couldn’t be bleaker
So don’t be too proud
Now shout it out LOUD

19 May 2009 at 15:26  
Blogger D. Singh said...

Your Grace,

This cannot be stopped by feeding the wolves at the door a few limbs of Mr Speaker, and feeding the rest of him to the sharks of the press encircling.

There are MPs who have carried out this deed who themselves are guilty of morally deficient behaviour over expense claims. It is they who, being guilty, have cast their stones at Mr Speaker when they were not morally qualified to do so.

It is they, who now must be dealt with.

For what moral defence can they now deploy?


‘The evil that men do lives after them.’

Julius Caesar, Act 3 Sc 2

19 May 2009 at 15:41  
Anonymous Penny said...

Exactly so, D. Singh!

The righteously indignant ones cannot be unaware of the expenses scheme. Charging up the moral high ground now is nauseating.

Do they think we are all fools? Apparently so.

19 May 2009 at 16:14  
Blogger McKenzie said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

19 May 2009 at 17:08  
Anonymous not a machine said...


The spirit of the Lord God is upon me :because the lord has anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meak :he hath sent me to bind up the broken hearted , to proclaim liberty to the captives : and the opening of the prisons to them that are bound

19 May 2009 at 18:17  
Anonymous Hank Petram said...

So he'll be out in a month's time. Good riddance. Pity he didn't just resign on the spot with immediate effect, but I suppose there are rules of procedure that govern these things.

The Times seems to believe he'll still get his promised seat in the Lords:

As has happened with previous Speakers, Mr Martin is expected to be given a seat in the Lords – although that has not yet been confirmed and would doubtless cause an outcry given the circumstances of his departure.

19 May 2009 at 19:06  
Anonymous Hank Petram said...

Link to The Times "Speaker quits" story:


19 May 2009 at 19:09  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your Grace,

since you mentioned the word fashion, I intend to attempt such as issue to be fashion related. not a very good idea of me but it simply must be done.

It is only right that the speaker resigned he is after all one of the fashion queens of MPs expenses with his claims being made public in spring-summer 08, maybe it was his Spring-Summer political fashion collection. Well he was clearly flobadommed, I for one a fashion obsessee noticed that his authority among MPs had long gone after the his expenses were made public. This may just be the end of the three season political fashion policy on MPs or another fashion critique might say the little black dress may have just gotten a new twist...

one is filled with great glee, like that of a big shopping spree in Harrods or Harvey Nicks with the Speaker's resignation. but one does hope that that the UK doesn't get another Political fashion faux pas like the Speaker.

Flumsy Flobadoms

(sorry your grace for not having a proper google blogger's account name but too busy revising for tests but simply had to comment on such an issue as this one)

19 May 2009 at 19:21  
Blogger Dave said...

there was an old fellow named martin
who over expenses was smartin'
Whhen david said 'go'
he replied 'no, no, no'
But it seems nonetheless he's departin'

19 May 2009 at 19:22  
Blogger Dave said...

Macavity's gone missing,
no doubt with a frown and some
Catcalling won't do,
to bring him anew
to that place of credit-cash pissing.

19 May 2009 at 19:32  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my apologises your grace,
i was meant to say
This may just be the end of the three season political fashion policy on MPs Expenses
This may just be the end of the three season political fashion policy on MPs

Flumsy Flobadoms

19 May 2009 at 19:48  
Blogger ZZMike said...

Poor Mr Martin. The allowed him to resign. Now he has to give up those lovely robes.

I notice that he bears a faint resemblance to Leo McKern's Horace Rumpole.

19 May 2009 at 20:11  
Anonymous len said...

What a bunch of hypocrites our M P`s are!
They ride Martin out of town on a rail but they have been doing exactly the same things.

19 May 2009 at 20:21  
Anonymous Bethel said...

Well, he was a working class catholic, a Scot and a pleb. What would we expect...of you all.

19 May 2009 at 21:13  
Anonymous Morus said...

Your Grace,

Slightly OT, but to celebrate Ms Duffy becoming Poet Laureate, I penned three poems in her style which I hope you might (pretend to) enjoy.


Hope all is well with you and yours.


19 May 2009 at 21:59  
Blogger Cranmer said...

Mr Morus,

You are an eminent literary wit with great skills in parody.

All is well with His Grace's, if not entirely with His Grace. Bless you for your kind expressions.

19 May 2009 at 22:06  
Blogger Homophobic Horse said...


20 May 2009 at 02:53  
Anonymous sydneysider said...

It pains me deeply
to see a duffer
occupy the chair
of poet laureate
Did they all turn simultaneously
in their graves?

20 May 2009 at 05:47  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michael Martin
is now departin'
for the Land O' Tartan.
He got the boot,
wi' his muckle loot -
He got the lot free,
and now he's scotfree.
But it's worth the lot
to be free of the Scot.

20 May 2009 at 07:30  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mick was an incoherent Scot,
even worse than John Prescott.
He was selected by a wee cabal,
but proved to be un-Speakable.

20 May 2009 at 07:37  
Blogger Terry Hamblin said...

For the choice of the next H of C Speaker
The field has never been bleaker.
Stick the crooks in the brig
And then please place the wig
On the head of the Telegraph leaker.

20 May 2009 at 14:10  
Anonymous len said...

He used to shout'order'
Now he`s heading for the Border,
But the rest of the MP`s
Can sit back in ease,
And don`t have to look ,
At being brought to book,
For what is more,
They appear to be above the Law.

20 May 2009 at 19:13  

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