Monday, April 19, 2010

Cleggmania is just another bird flu

Remember avian influenza? The pandemic which began somewhere in Asia, was spreading to Europe, reached the UK in Norfolk, and was supposed to be the greatest cataclysm since the black death? We were told it would claim millions of victims: it was an issue of national security; veterinary surgeons were urgently interviewed; doctors and hospitals were placed on emergency alert; governments were producing medical supplies for millions of people, and the outlook was, to say the least, bleak and depressing.

And then the media discovered a distraction. And the moment bird flu left our screens and departed the headlines, everyone forgot about it.

And millions did not die, and entire continents were not decimated, and nothing much happened at all, except that Bernard Matthews had a very lean year.

Cranmer has this feeling over the ‘Cleggmania’. He also has this feeling over volcano dust. The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the great and the terrible day of the Lord come.

What better way to instill fear and terrify the population into voting for the status quo than to present them with an End of Days apocalypse?

Gordon Brown has already ‘saved the world’ from global financial meltdown. Today he has summoned a meeting of COBRA to sort out the air chaos. If he can rescue the world by spewing out billions in bailouts, save the people by mass-producing Tamiflu, and clear European airspace merely with his word, he can certainly save the United Kingdom from a bit of political hysteria.

The media love a crisis. In fact, they love a crisis as much as the EU, for each and every day the crisis endures, the only source of information is the media, and the only solution, according to the EU, is more EU. And so today our Prime Minister is video-conferencing with our masters in Brussels because nation states are impotent, and salvation is to be found in a Europe-wide coordinated response which only a European government can solve.

All that Cleggmania needs is a vaccine. And this is quite simply a good dose of Thatcherite common sense. The antidote to a state-induced crisis is not to inculcate fear of a hung parliament, for human nature inclines us to do exactly what we are warned not to do. One must diagnose accurately and understand ‘Last Days’ psychology.

Cleggmania and volcano dust are just the latest terrors of the earth. The country does not appear to be able to function without an element of fear and insecurity. And these profound threats to our existence and way of life are just the latest in a long line – acid rain, the ‘Millennium Bug’, mad cow disease or variant CJD, global warming, Islamic terrorism, bird flu, credit crunch, pig flu…

The rulers of the earth are intent on diminishing our liberty by keeping us shackled to fear. We are in chains to anti-scientific rumour, media distortion and sensationalism. The only pox we have to fear is panic; the only toxin terror.

Perhaps it is time for the Conservatives to promise free surgical masks, for only they can prevent the spread of the Clegg virus. Do not shake hands with a Liberal Democrat. A kiss will certainly spread it from husband to wife; a cough gives it to a neighbour; a sneeze to an entire stadium of people. Precaution is common sense. Good hygiene should be encouraged, for we are always waging war against mutating viruses.

But there is more to fear from a confirmed pandemic of political hysteria than a conjectured pandemic of anything.


Blogger Dreadnaught said...

Sounds like YG has a clear case of 'Clegg-paranoia' himself, as well a dose the panic that is poitively palpable from within the Conservative Party propaganda machine.

Get well soon YG.

19 April 2010 at 09:13  
Anonymous pedant said...

Here in our little demi-paradise, set in a silver sea, we have two parties which are statist and equalitarian and one that is small-state and libertarian (in principle, anyway).

It seems to me, Your Grace, that there is now a possibility that the Lib Dems can replace Labour as the dominant statist party. It might have happened in the 1990s, had Labour won in 1992 and tumbled out of the ERM. Happy Britain is now offered the rarest thing in politics - another chance.

Liberal Democracy is a foolish thing at present, to be sure; but there's no reason why it may not become a sensible thing under the stern pressure of events.

However, there's no possibility that Labour, Old, New, Blair-plus or Improved with Added Mendacity, can ever be anything other than dishonest and incompetent. It's an idealistic party, not a realistic one, so uselessness is in the genes.

Also, Mr Clegg is not barking like the Philosopher of Kirkaldy. Now that must be a good thing.

As to the volcano that fills Your Grace with such foreboding, I am enjoying it immensely. What care I if pie-fed proletarians are marooned in their foreign fleshpots? Or that feelthy foreign lettuces have vanished from our greengrocers? The sky is free of con-trails, the blackbirds can hear themselves sing, and, best of all, plucky little Iceland hath her revenge. What did Blake say?

"Rintrah roars, and shakes her fires in the burdened air. Hungry clouds swag on the deep."

19 April 2010 at 09:34  
Blogger Jared Gaites said...

It's not just His Grace who is suffering, I have just been on the Speccie website and they are frantic - the bilge pump is churning out black smoke.

Jesus I am enjoying this.

19 April 2010 at 09:46  
Blogger D. Singh said...

Your Grace

But what if it is ‘the Last Days’?

Vote Lib-Dem and commit national suicide.

19 April 2010 at 10:07  
Blogger Weekend Yachtsman said...

Vote Clegg - get Broon. That is the truth of the matter, and the reason why NuLab are immensely relaxed about the Fib-Dim surge.

Oh, and on your central point, let us remember H.L.Mencken: "The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary." It's working.

19 April 2010 at 10:18  
Anonymous Graham Davis said...

Cranmer said...
Do not shake hands with a Liberal Democrat. A kiss will certainly spread it from husband to wife; a cough gives it to a neighbour; a sneeze to an entire stadium of people

A lovely idea. But what fun the headline writers could have had if action man was still leader of the LibDems: Paddy Brings The Ash Down etc.

19 April 2010 at 10:24  
Blogger Gnostic said...

I'm in hysterics watching the three unwise monkeys perform (speak no sense, see no sense and hear no sense). However, there is nothing remotely hysterical about a wannabe Tory PM who is content to keep us, as well as himself, shackled to those same unelected EU gangsters that are currently jerking Brown's chain.

It might just be me but I find THAT little factoid to be truly terrifying. So who's hysterical now?

19 April 2010 at 10:27  
Blogger D. Singh said...

So Mr Brown goes to Brussels to speak to the other ‘Sprouts’. It reminds one of a line by Beckett:

‘It is suicide to be abroad. But what is to be done at home, Mr Tyler, what is to be at home? A lingering dissolution.’

All That Fall (1975 p.10)

Samuel Beckett (1906 – 89)

19 April 2010 at 10:45  
Blogger Rebel Saint said...

Who gives a damn. Anyone who votes for any of the 3 usual suspects needs his head feeling. Better not voting at all than perpetuating the endless merry-go-round that is party politics.

Vote independent. Where that is not possible, vote for one of the smaller parties. Where that is not possible, spoil your ballot paper or stay at home.

19 April 2010 at 11:09  
Blogger Dreadnaught said...

Rebel Saint said:-

...Better not voting at all than perpetuating the endless merry-go-round that is party politics.

Vote independent...

Anyone spot the flaw in his logic?

19 April 2010 at 11:28  
Blogger The Merry Man said...

Your Grace,

I`ve heard Brown is heading towards the volcano aboard a long boat,he is armed with ancient Nordic spells,on arrival he intends to stretch out his arms and recite an incantation appealing to Loki to quell the eruption, while Mandleson sacrifices a LibDem.....

19 April 2010 at 11:31  
Blogger Preacher said...

It's not often that real life is more amusing than comedy, but as I see the tiresome trio on stage I can't help thinking of 'Yes Minister' or 'The New Statesman'. What will become of us? God knows, & I'm very glad He Does!

19 April 2010 at 12:15  
Anonymous circus monkey said...

Do you think we'll have time to produce an anti Clegg vaccine before the Election?

19 April 2010 at 12:15  
Anonymous A Democratic U.K. said...

Nick Clegg, the new great white hope? Just goes to show you can "sell" anything on T.V.

19 April 2010 at 12:18  
Anonymous A Democratic U.K. said...

Nick Clegg, the new great white hope? Just goes to show you can "sell" anything on T.V.

19 April 2010 at 12:18  
Anonymous Kafka said...

Your Grace, one indulgence please. The Millenium Bug was real. My particular organisation spent the best part of three years excising it from our systems. Dealing with it was such a huge global success for the IT community that every know-not now thinks of it on a par with the other non-events you list. Please don't fall any further into that trap.

19 April 2010 at 12:19  
Anonymous Graham Davis said...

Vince Cable predicted the eruption of Eyjafjallajoekull and the consequent air traffic chaos over three years ago!

The only problem is that Vince is also predicting the coming of the Twelfth Imam.
In anticipation of this great event will come the red death (volcano?) and the white death (plague-bird flue?). On the bright side the Twelfth Imam will be accompanied by Isa who goes by the rather more familiar name of Jesus. Every volcanic cloud has a silver lining.

Duplicate post previously posted on wrong thread

19 April 2010 at 13:55  
Blogger Dreadnaught said...

Clegg N: telgenic; but untested British politician of rump political party previously consigned to the vaults of history who caused consternation in the Spring of 2010 by stating the bleeding obvious.
Cleggophobia pronounced Kl-eg-ou-fou-bee-ya meaning - an irrational fear of all things Cleggian based on one TV appearance (adj): Cleggophobe: a person with a propensity to make ad hominem attacks and multiple blog entries without recourse to dialectic discourse:
Cleggomaniac: a person with an obsession with all things Clegg(ish)
Cleggesian:in the manner of or pertaining to Cleggism eg exhibiting a desire to break the status quo of stagnant twin party politics.

Other use of the name Clegg: Third of a comedy trio of fictional characters, Foggy;Compo and Clegg; 'Last of the Summer Wine' (British sit-com) usually the most sensible/pragmatic of the three, who got all the best lines and usually had the last laugh.

19 April 2010 at 14:37  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think Clegg knows what he has done.I'm sure Brown and Cameron don't know either. Clegg is an unconcious iconoclast, and brings a prophesy of the end of British politics as we know it. Our governance comes from the EU in Brussels even though our political class will take several more years to accept this fact. If they accepted this reality then they would have to accept that Westminster is a horribly expensive and irrelevant burden on the British people, neither the Commons or the Lords are useful or fit for purpose. The whole British political class is a Dodo, functionally dead, 1300 very costly shibboleths, empty and meaningless. Clegg is in reality bearing this message.

19 April 2010 at 16:39  
Anonymous Oswin said...

Oh dear, it would appear that an unhealthily large segment of the British public want their very own 'Obama' moment!

The fact that they don't have one, an 'Obama' that is, is neither here nor there - they aspire to the 'moment' itself!

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever consider the likes of the otherwise immemorable Clegg, fulfilling this role; albeit as a poor 'stand-in' for someone of real character and stature.

This is a truly, and deeply worrying prospect. Let us hope fervently for some miracle 'undoing' of this alarming phenomena.

Elections have been won or lost for many reasons; but I fail to recall any that were won due to an outburst of semi-messianic hysteria...especially so, one based upon such a seemingly vacuous nonentity!

Up here, in the North, a 'Clegg' is an irritating, and potentially dangerous, 'horse-fly'......soimeone just has to 'swot it'before it bites!

19 April 2010 at 16:47  
Anonymous Oswin said...

er - that should read 'someone' ' hand was shaking, and my mind fevered!

19 April 2010 at 16:50  
Anonymous Truthseeker said...

The Lib Dems put EU and refferendum in the same sentence in their manifestio! "Referendum - The EU has evolved significantly since the last public vote on membership
over thirty years ago. Liberal Democrats therefore remain committed to an in/out
referendum the next time a British government signs up for fundamental change in the
relationship between the UK and the EU"

19 April 2010 at 17:20  
Anonymous Old Grumpy said...

@Kafka 12:19

I beg to differ, good Sir. The so-called "Millennium bug" was a fiction invented by the IT industry to cover up their own incompetence. There was no "bug" as such. It was merely that certain systems might fail to recognize the new century.

That they achieved outstanding success is witness to the extent at which a gullible public swallowed their cover-up story whole. The IT industry went on to con billions out of commerce (and the public) all scared witless that their pc's might fail on the great day. That it was highly unlikely didn't stop any number of them charging zillions for "cleaning", "examining", "testing" "purging" (well, you get the idea) people's systems....and all for something which was caused by their own collosal ineptitude in the first place.

Luddite that I am, I was able to assure all manner of regulatory agencies (many of whom were demanding "certificates of compliance" at huge expense) that my office systems wouldn't go down. How will a central heating system controlled by a mechanical clockwork timer fail, I recall asking one of these learned gentlemen. And my wall clock, battery operated, dating from the 1960's....a couple of decades prior to microprocessors, this was suspect? One by one, we ticked off the boxes, until there was nothing left.

Well done, chaps, I salute you.

19 April 2010 at 17:25  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh dear meeeeeeeee..

Squeaky bum time at Tory Towers methinks!

wv: pookeyso

19 April 2010 at 17:39  
Blogger Bred in the bone said...

Volcanic Ash clouds, indeed an orchestrated EU event, hence Cameron agrees with Browns handling of the matter, since the Tory party would handle it the same way, as dictated.

Cleggs eruption on the other hand is more befitting a Heston Blumenthal Christmas pud.

Opportunity Knocks!

Its over to the Fizzometer folks.

Signed: Spuey Grin

19 April 2010 at 18:13  
Blogger Lakester91 said...

Is it not possible, YG, to simply post about the policies of the LibDems and destroy them intellectually?

You have finally come to terms with the fact that the Liberals are now a valid protest party but you attack them with rhetoric. Everyone knows that they're useless, but I'd much rather you show how they wouldn't work rather than simply saying it.

19 April 2010 at 18:22  
Blogger Ronald said...

Old Grumpy

At the company I worked for at the time I had to check that our test equipment would still work when we got back after the new year.

I was tempted to cheat and just say that it would unfortunatly a director insisted in seeing certificates from the manufacturers.

The worst we had was one piece of rarely used equipment that might have had a minor glitch if we were using it under computer control over midnight as we entered the new year.

The BBC has just reported that Brown has dispatched the Navy to collect people from the continent. That will be Sangate emptied then.

19 April 2010 at 18:25  
Anonymous not a machine said...

Ime all Clegged out your grace , however , I still note "not like the others" runs the chance of being all too like the others and skittling off into the undergrowth .

I can understand tory grumblings at the deft arrival of an enthuseing non entity party , but I am not too worried ,as the knee jerk reaction danger has passed , they may have may trying to provoke .It makes a bit of tough going for a while , but with 2 weeks still to go , hes hoisted his flag and declared cleggism is the new thing .

Whilst David Cameron has been viewed as a little left , I think hes more solid and more able to carry things forward , it is test perhaps not of outright force , but of time . Let us not forget that a lib/lab governement would take us down the ruinous road further .The nasty party is dishonest , for we have nasty streets under scoialist mess . I really dont understand why so many have become so timid on dealing with the countries problems , as if holding a meeting will solve the drug trade , or the physcological mind bending that children have been plyed with .
And yet to go right will give the cleggists hope that the spin will have traction .

Chaos and order are always in battle , vote clegg for chaos and EU socialism , and Blairs leftovers , doesnt cut it for me .

19 April 2010 at 18:37  
Anonymous Voyager said...

Clegg is out for PROTEST votes and Cameron and Brown have set a lot of those loose.....what BNP or UKIP cannot garner, LibDems will.

19 April 2010 at 19:20  
Anonymous Atlas shrugged said...

Weekend Yachtsman said...

Vote Clegg - get Broon. That is the truth of the matter, and the reason why NuLab are immensely relaxed about the Fib-Dim surge.

Not really. Also Labour are not relaxed, immensely or otherwise, they are in a deep deep state of profound psychological denial.

It all depends on which party the votes in reality come from, and of course in which places.

Cameron could still achieve an overall majority with no more then 36%, if Labour get a hard enough, as well as a fully deserved and well over due thumping. I am sure that the vast majority of Conservative supporters would have bitten your hand off for anything even close to such a result back in 2005.

It can not be a bad thing that The Labour Party and its establishment indoctrinated socialism becomes history sooner rather then later.

The only way this can usefully happen is by The Lib/Dems steeling Labour voters far more then Conservative ones. Which is far more likely to happen when the votes are actually counted, whatever the polls may seem to suggest.

Brown is self-evidently as crazy as a large industrial container full of exceedingly mad frogs, as is the entire ideological basis of his party. Clegg is a rational practical individual who leads a relatively rational and practical party.

One of the important known unknowns is this.

Many voting in this election will have little or no recollection of what a Conservative government is like in action. They will have a much better idea what a Labour one is like for obvious reasons. What frightens many people is that they know that their own survival and/or standard of living now depends solely or predominately on the state.

Brown was conned, or deluded himself into believing that this would sure-up a winning majority however vastly unpopular the PLP and himself personally became. However many of these people now smell an alternative to more of the Labour Party, and all that after 13 years has gone with it.


It is indeed logical to expect that actual power will force Clegg and his party to become ever more moderate or indeed more inclined to the liberal right then the liberal left.

The Conservative Party on the other hand has been around a very long time, and is not going anywhere close to extinct any time soon.

All in all there is still a strong possibility that not only justice will seem to be done, this could be a very positive development in the long run for most of us, as well as the people as a whole. Which of course should be the only thing that really matters anyway.

Whoever if it does for some unaccountable reason result in a Lib/Lab pact keeping Brown along with any of his bunch of other criminal psychopaths any where near power, then salvation will be postponed indefinitely, possibly permanently.

19 April 2010 at 20:05  
Anonymous Atlas shrugged said...

Voyager said...

Clegg is out for PROTEST votes and Cameron and Brown have set a lot of those loose.....what The BNP or The UKIP cannot garner, LibDems will.
19 April 2010 19:20

Very true, as well as a big problem, and as you rightly indicate something that Brown and more especially Cameron only have themselves to blame.

The good news for Cameron is that unlike Brown, he still has a good chance of capturing them, and plenty of time to do so.

The questions are, will he, does he know how, does he intend to even try, and infinitely more importantly, how much difference if any in the end will it make to US the people, whether he does or not?

19 April 2010 at 20:26  
Blogger David Wheeler said...

'Archbishop' - You quote, "The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the great and the terrible day of the Lord come."

Let me draw your attention to another Scripture.
Jesus was asked, "Tell us," they said, "when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?"

Part of His reply was, "Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains. …

 "Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near. Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it is near, right at the door. I tell you the truth, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened.

We know that in prophecy the 'fig tree' refers to the nation of Israel. Its twigs getting tender and its leaves coming out would then refer to the rebirth of Israel as a naton in 1948.

Let us focus for a moment on the word generation. It can only have one of two meanings. Either it could mean the generation, to whom Jesus was speaking, and history demonstrates, that this was not the case. Or it could refer to the generation, who were alive at the time of Israel's rebirth in the 1948.

If we look further at the clue that a Biblical generation can be three-score years and ten – 70, then time may indeed be running out.

1948 + 70 = 2018.

David Wheeler.

19 April 2010 at 20:37  
Anonymous bluedog said...

Your Grace, perhaps Mr Clegg can be persuaded to black himself up as Al Jonson did, thus providing the warm glow of Obama-philia.

19 April 2010 at 22:04  
Anonymous no nonny said...

Ante-script, OT - but quick note: Westminster Declaration Sigs. now at 28,055 ... :)
News sources reckon the debate on the idiot box netted only about 10m. viewers (not a high percentage of the population, then? ((especially if a fair number switched off betimes..)). How can the polls now be so confident of the overall effect of the 'show'?

19 April 2010 at 22:32  
Anonymous William Wallace said...

You Tory boys are seriously rattled.

The last two articles here are very silly. Might I suggest that an ordinary member of the voting public reading them would be less and not more inclined to vote Tory having done so.

ps I am not a Lib Dem, or Labour.

20 April 2010 at 04:39  
Blogger D. Singh said...

Mr David Wheeler

And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, “Come and see.

And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand.

"And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and thou hurt not the oil and the wine".


Mr Wheeler, is right. The Earth’s birth-pangs have started. There is incomes deflation and rising food prices. Last year’s harvests have failed.

Fear not.

God will save our country before the ‘End’ comes – let us go down upon our knees and plead for His mercy.

20 April 2010 at 08:47  
Anonymous TheGlovner said...

It's the end of the world as we know it.

(And I feel fine.)

20 April 2010 at 14:06  
Anonymous len said...

Jesus said, " Luke 17:26-30 "And as it was in the days of Noah, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of man. They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all.

( I expect they felt fine too)

20 April 2010 at 20:30  
Blogger D. Singh said...

Mr Len


The right saying at the right time.

Thank you.

Our sailors can now sleep.

Please could you and Mr Preacher pary for my men tonight?


20 April 2010 at 20:35  

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