Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Jeremy Clarkson censored by The Times


If you were looking forward to reading Jeremy Clarkson's column in The Sunday Times, you didn’t get the chance. Apparently, it was pulled it 'after the lefties sniffled'.

Cranmer has been sent the article, which was published in its entirety by Tory Bear. His Grace neither agrees with it nor endorses it, and notes that it is indeed moderately insulting to a broad range of countries. But, as Tory Bear observes, what was anyone expecting in an article by Mr Clarkson? It is irritating when the mainstream media censor opinion, especially that which is deemed to be 'Right-wing'. The Times is not, of course, the main culprit: that status is owned almost exclusively by the BBC, closely followed by the Barclay brothers and their fawning acolytes.

“Get me a rope before Mandelson wipes us all out"

Jeremy Clarkson
for the Sunday Times


I've given the matter a great deal of thought all week, and I'm afraid I've decided that it's no good putting Peter Mandelson in a prison. I'm afraid he will have to be tied to the front of a van and driven round the country until he isn't alive any more.

He announced last week that middle-class children will simply not be allowed into the country's top universities even if they have 4,000 A-levels, because all the places will be taken by Albanians and guillemots and whatever other stupid bandwagon the conniving idiot has leapt

I hate Peter Mandelson. I hate his fondness for extremely pale blue jeans and I hate that preposterous moustache he used to sport in the days when he didn't bother trying to cover up his left-wing fanaticism. I hate the way he quite literally lords it over us even though he's resigned in disgrace twice, and now holds an important decision-making job for which he was not elected. Mostly, though, I hate him because his one-man war on the bright and the witty and the successful means that half my friends now seem to be taking leave of their senses.

There's talk of emigration in the air. It's everywhere I go. Parties. Work. In the supermarket. My daughter is working herself half to death to get good grades at GSCE and can't see the point because she won't be going to university, because she doesn't have a beak or flippers or a qualification in washing windscreens at the lights. She wonders, often, why we don't live in America.

Then you have the chaps and chapesses who can't stand the constant raids on their wallets and their privacy. They can't understand why they are taxed at 50% on their income and then taxed again for driving into the nation's capital. They can't understand what happened to the hunt for the weapons of mass destruction. They can't understand anything. They see the Highway Wombles in those brand new 4x4s that they paid for, and they see the M4 bus lane and they see the speed cameras and the community support officers and they see the Albanians stealing their wheelbarrows and nothing can be done because it's racist.

And they see Alistair Darling handing over £4,350 of their money to not sort out the banking crisis that he doesn't understand because he's a small-town solicitor, and they see the stupid war on drugs and the war on drink and the war on smoking and the war on hunting and the war on fun and the war on scientists and the obsession with the climate and the price of train fares soaring past £1,000 and the Guardian power-brokers getting uppity about one shot baboon and not uppity at all about all the dead soldiers in Afghanistan, and how they got rid of Blair only to find the lying twerp is now going to come back even more powerful than ever, and they think, "I've had enough of this. I'm off."

It's a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fairtrade, Brown-stained, Mandelson-skewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural, carbon-neutral, trendily left, regionally assembled, big-government, trilingual, mosque-drenched, all-the-pigs-are-equal, property-is-theft hellhole and set up shop somewhere else. But where?

You can't go to France because you need to complete 17 forms in triplicate every time you want to build a greenhouse, and you can't go to Switzerland because you will be reported to your neighbours by the police and subsequently shot in the head if you don't sweep your lawn properly, and you can't go to Italy because you'll soon tire of waking up in the morning to find a horse's head in your bed because you forgot to give a man called Don a bundle of used notes for "organising" a plumber.

You can't go to Australia because it's full of things that will eat you, you can't go to New Zealand because they don't accept anyone who is more than 40 and you can't go to Monte Carlo because they don't accept anyone who has less than 40 mill. And you can't go to Spain because you're not called Del and you weren't involved in the Walthamstow blag. And you can't go to Germany ... because you just can't.

The Caribbean sounds tempting, but there is no work, which means that one day, whether you like it or not, you'll end up like all the other expats, with a nose like a burst beetroot, wondering if it's okay to have a small sharpener at 10 in the morning. And, as I keep explaining to my daughter, we can't go to America because if you catch a cold over there, the health system is designed in such a way that you end up without a house. Or dead.

Canada's full of people pretending to be French, South Africa's too risky, Russia's worse and everywhere else is too full of snow, too full of flies or too full of people who want to cut your head off on the internet. So you can dream all you like about upping sticks and moving to a country that doesn't help itself to half of everything you earn and then spend the money it gets on bus lanes and advertisements about the dangers of salt. But wherever you go you'll wind up an alcoholic or dead or bored or in a cellar, in an orange jumpsuit, gently wetting yourself on the web. All of these things are worse than being persecuted for eating a sandwich at the wheel.

I see no reason to be miserable. Yes, Britain now is worse than it's been for decades, but the lunatics who've made it so ghastly are on their way out. Soon, they will be back in Hackney with their South African nuclear-free peace polenta. And instead the show will be run by a bloke whose dad has a wallpaper shop and possibly, terrifyingly, a twerp in Belgium whose fruitless game of hunt-the-WMD has netted him £15m on the lecture circuit.

So actually I do see a reason to be miserable. Which is why I think it's a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit in the meantime.

39 Comments:

Anonymous Simon said...

Clarkson for PM Your Grace ? The campaign has been rolling for some time ;-)

13 April 2010 at 07:58  
Blogger Minnie said...

Excellent, YG - thank you. Even if some readers disagree, they have a right to read it - and Clarkson, a writer by trade, has a right to be read. People who don't like his stuff can - gasp! - avoid looking at it.
It's clear from the context that he's (sort of!)joking about the notion of a grisly end for Mandelson. So why is it OK for other UK residents to make serious demands for writers to be killed?
Finally, nobody has the right not to be offended.

13 April 2010 at 07:58  
Anonymous Tony B said...

>Finally, nobody has the right not to be offended.

Except Muslims. And Christians.

13 April 2010 at 08:44  
Blogger Ingenieur said...

A phrase beloved of politicians is, "The things that really matter to voters" - frequently used in interviews to change the subject.

Clarkson wittily nails the issues that really matter to voters, that politicos avoid in their glossy manifestos.

Let this voice of sanity be heard. Shame on you, Times.

13 April 2010 at 09:02  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You'll be pleased know that the article is back up now.

JohnW

13 April 2010 at 09:03  
Blogger The Merry Man said...

Your Grace,

Thank you for posting the article,I usually find Mr Clarkson amusing.he has that rare quality of revealing in script what many think and feel about the state of our nation the political classes have manufactured.

However,if he truly believes that,

"the lunatics who've made it so ghastly are on their way out."

then i fear he is going to be aghast when the new crop of politico`s reveal themselves to be no different than the last,possibly worse.I fear he will be throwing himself under the wheels of the van!.

Or maybe pushed by the "lunatics".

13 April 2010 at 09:14  
Anonymous Graham Davis said...

After graduating from the Prince Phillip Academy for Diplomacy the young Clarkson intended a career in the environmental movement. His green credentials were clear from the start; he was envious of anyone with money.

A keen multiculturalist Clarkson started the Made-a-Veil society and was a frequent visitor to the West London Mosque where he stole shoes.

By now married he fell under the spell of a young moustachioed politician. But like Romeo and Julian this affair was destined for tragedy by the political chasm that separated them.

But the resilient Clarkson was down but not out. He applied for a job at the newly established BBC drugs advisory programme Top Gear. To his surprise he was asked to review a car but due to his green credentials he had never learnt to drive. Although still without a driver’s license his involvement with the programme has continued to this day using a driving simulator.

Recently his interest in politics was again stirred and the upcoming election sees him as special advisor to SARKIP. When successfully independent this blissfully car-free Channel Island will be the natural haven for a man of so many talents. Let us hope that he can live out his days growing his own vegetables, maintaining his own wind generator and writing his autobiography “These Boots are Made for Walking”.

13 April 2010 at 09:14  
Blogger Timothy Belmont said...

Can't stand Mandelson myself, Your Grace. He didn't do a bad job as NI Secretary. Mind you, he lorded it there, too,squating in the Queen's official Ulster residence.

He is insufferable.

Wouldn't hold the fact he likes faded jeans against him, though! I've had mine for almost 30 years - the originals - and can still get "a turn" out of them. They are one of my few nods to egalitarianism, and there aren't many.

13 April 2010 at 09:18  
Blogger D. Singh said...

Your Grace

Mr Clarkson writes: ‘They can’t understand why …’

We can.

The more this national socialist government drives us insensible; the more government action is required to manage the people.

That is the end result.

13 April 2010 at 09:26  
Anonymous martin sewell said...

Vintage Clarkson.

One of the few in his league is PJ O'Rourke who is of a similar mind.

I particularly like his take on the ideal of America.

"This country wasn't created so men could be good, it was created so they coudl be what they damm well pleased - so long as they took the consequences!"

I can't wholly subscribe to his views but the liberating effects of liberty which he and Clarkson champion needs to be spread far and wide.

13 April 2010 at 10:05  
Anonymous John Malcolmson said...

Tony B

>Finally, nobody has the right not to be offended.

//Except Muslims. And Christians.//

You forgot gays. Oh - and anybody whose skin isn't white.

And I believe Christians are offended by blasphemy. The BBC wouldn't dream of allowing anything blasphemous to be broadcast, now would it? Ahem.

13 April 2010 at 10:10  
Blogger D. Singh said...

Mr Tony B

Crime and Disorder Act 1998
28(1) An offence is religiously aggravated for the purposes of sections 29 to 32 if-
(a) at the time of committing the offence, or immediately before or after doing so, the offender demonstrates towards the victim of the offence hostility based on the victim's membership (or presumed membership) of a religious group; or

(b) 28(2) In subsection (1)(a)-
membership,
in relation to a religious group, includes association with members of that group;
presumed
means presumed by the offender.
28(3) It is immaterial for the purposes of paragraph (a) or (b) of subsection (1) whether or not the offender's hostility is also based, to any extent, on any other factor not mentioned in that paragraph.

13 April 2010 at 10:27  
Blogger Rebel Saint said...

They pulled this ... seriously. That is why nobody reads papers anymore or is interested in party politics. The only things that are acceptable are insipid, middle-of-the-road, cliché-ridden, newspeak.

On the basis of this article alone Clarkson would have my vote if he were standing in my constituency - which is saying something coz I'm standing in my constituency!

13 April 2010 at 10:49  
Anonymous Nigel Sedgwick said...

At Tory Bear and The Times, I find the datestamp of early November 2009.

Is that correct? If so, what is the context for re-report today?

Even with my concerns on that, I'm delighted the article was republished here: it's classic Clarkson, and raises the spirits a tad.

Best regards

13 April 2010 at 10:57  
Anonymous Tony B said...

Mr Singh,

your point is?

13 April 2010 at 11:24  
Blogger D. Singh said...

Mr Tony B

You stated at 8.44:

‘Finally, nobody has the right not to be offended.’

13 April 2010 at 11:28  
Blogger D. Singh said...

Mr Tony B – here’s another one for ya (this time civil law):

(1) For the purposes of these Regulations, a person (‘A’) subjects another person (‘B’) to harassment where, on grounds of religion…, A engages in unwanted conduct which has purpose or effect of –

(a) violating B’s dignity; or
(b) creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for B.

Employment equality (Religion or Belief) Regulations 2003 (Reg. 5)

13 April 2010 at 11:57  
Blogger English Viking said...

Perhaps there has been a mistake?

I distinctly remember reading this, several months ago, so I do not see how this could have been the article that was pulled, unless it was intended to be simply re-printed.

Also, how did the 'left' find out about the content of any piece, before it is printed?

13 April 2010 at 12:31  
Blogger Gnostic said...

I always regarded Clarkson to be a bit of a tit but he's beginning to grow on me...

13 April 2010 at 12:38  
Anonymous Tony B said...

Mr Singh - if you actually bothered to look at my post properly, you would see that that was a quote from a message by another poster.

13 April 2010 at 12:57  
Blogger Dreadnaught said...

...Finally, nobody has the right not to be offended.

Except Muslims. And Christians...


Another law that needs to be binned as fast as possible.

But in fairness, until the Muslims arrived, the Xians turned the other cheek and did not resort to indiscriminate violence to assuage their hurt feelings.

Hilarious though (but ultimately sad), how Singh can't appreciate the irony given his record of outright manic condemnation of a government that constructed such an affront to a core-value of democracy, then to quiver with knicker wetting excitement in concluding that he has pulled some kind of master-stroke of clear thinking by then quoting them in his own support.

He's even funnier than Clarkson.

13 April 2010 at 13:02  
Blogger D. Singh said...

Ms Dreadnaught

It is clear you have no knowledge of the cases under those sections and no idea about the doctrine of precedent.

How much longer must I put up with ignoramuses like you?

Get out of my sight.

13 April 2010 at 13:15  
Blogger gsw said...

If the American medical system is all you have against the country - get BIPA and move to Jacksonville.

13 April 2010 at 13:19  
Blogger Dreadnaught said...

How much longer must I put up with ignoramuses like you?

You don't have to do anything of the sort dear Singh - Iv'e already told you what I think you should do.

13 April 2010 at 14:47  
Blogger Manfarang said...

How do you know when a plane full of British people has arrived at Sydney airport?



It is still whining after the engines are turned off.

13 April 2010 at 14:47  
Blogger OldSouth said...

Actually, Mr. Clarkson, had you not made such a complete horse's backside of yourself when you staged your tour of Florida/Alabama/Mississippi/Louisiana a few years back, you might have seen that there are many of us in this part of the US who share your same surly freedom-loving attitude.

It's why we live here, and love it so, warts and all.

You can buy health insurance here, and I have friends who have been brought back from the Brink of Doom, uninsured, have gone on to live productively, and they were able to reach settlements with their providers. If you live near places like Birmingham, Atlanta, Louisville, Nashville, Charlotte, Richmond, your health care is world-class.

Come visit us. Leave your snarling attitude home, and see what we offer. With your connections, I'd venture to guess you could get some time behind the wheel of a NASCAR vehicle at Darlington, and the other drivers could teach you the art of 'tradin' paint'. If you've got the courage to do it, that is...

13 April 2010 at 15:56  
Blogger OldSouth said...

And, thanks, Your Grace, for posting his essay, continuing the idea of a Free Press.

13 April 2010 at 15:58  
Anonymous Oswin said...

One might argue the detail; but you have to admit that Clarkson captures the essential 'taste' of the thing...whereas, if you don't admit to it; then you are either utterly out-of-touch, or one of the accursed enemy!

13 April 2010 at 16:36  
Anonymous Oswin said...

Manfarang : I reckon Syndney might have weightier problems to deal with?

By the by, how are the plans going for the proposed so-called 'super-mosque' ?

13 April 2010 at 16:42  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yawn. What a dull article, i was looking for offensive. I got deeply uninteresting.

13 April 2010 at 17:24  
Anonymous len said...

I think Jeremy needs a little more brainwashing he doesn`t seem to have quite got the hang of this Political Correctness thing.

13 April 2010 at 19:57  
Blogger Bryan said...

There are only two shows on BBC America that I actually watch. And to be honest, I don't really even watch one of them any more, but only claim to do so out of fond memory from my childhood in early the '80s.

Jeremy Clarkson is inarguably a master at hyperbole. His reviews and exploits with automobiles and related objects is entertaining (to me) in large part because of this. But his hyperbole isn't just a random mash up played merely for effect, but rather based on expectations that things function for what they were designed to do, or are advertised to do. As well as the occasional pleasant surprise when things work better, or offer unadvertised or unexpected functionality.

As far as I can tell, based on this understanding of the nature of the entertainer/author, Mr. Clarkson is bang on. With the caveat that Mr. Clarkson's statement concerning the medical situation in America is based on the popular media portrayal, and not the subjective reality. Likewise, I expect that most of his extra-British caricature-izations are equally so. Oh, wait... No, no, it's really, really, bad here, please don't move here, we have enough people demanding to be supported by our woefully inefficient, overly expensive, pitifully ineffective social welfare system already! (At least the illegal Mexican aliens still have the misguided idea that they must needs work for a living!)

One of the real beauties of hyperbole is that it provides both breathing room and limitations for more deliberate and serious discussions. It also provides some tension relief for those who feel the hyperbolic comments not to be to far off the literal mark. The danger is that this type of speech might lead to a crack down by the too-easily offended, which apparently this sadly has.

13 April 2010 at 21:35  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The article drove like a microwave oven.

16 April 2010 at 14:51  
Blogger Jeremy Cushing said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

17 April 2010 at 05:39  
Blogger adrian said...

We, the British are fractured, we need to Unite.

18 April 2010 at 12:14  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come to Serbia, we love you.

We are still not part of Europe, even though we are located at the Euro-epicentre....

We know who Albanians are, we know what 550 new mosques means in your hometown....we know....

But they say we are wrong....

4 August 2010 at 19:13  
Blogger arian said...

I actually like Jeremy Clarkson and his shows,
but what is it with Albanians all the time.
First time it was funny but stop going on about it.
At this rate you're asking for your stuff to be nicked.

2 November 2010 at 16:57  
Anonymous Dale Farland said...

I love Mr. Clarkson. I wish he was president of the United States. We would all be in better shape with his no nonsense leadership.

1 March 2011 at 16:33  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clarkson for PM anarchy in the UK!

24 March 2011 at 23:10  

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