Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Guardian: Cliff Richard fans ‘haven’t the foggiest when it comes to those computer things’

The Guardian’s Media Monkey has dismissed the campaign to get Sir Cliff’s ‘Little Town’ back into the charts, averring that his fans are too old for innovations like Facebook and iTunes.

Mr Monkey may have a point. The song is presently in Amazon’s Top 100 downloads, and has been as high as 69 (cue Hallelujah Chorus). But it is yet to appear in the iTunes chart, stubbornly displaced by such quality Christmas hits as ‘I Believe in Father Christmas’ and the perennially dreadful ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’.

With the news that the Blogosphere’s No1 Cliff Richard fan is (very sadly) departing the scene, there is consternation at Cliff HQ that Aunt Doris just can’t hack the New Meedja and is too senile to grasp ‘those computer things’.

Well, His Grace plods on.

And he is 521 years old.

He persists because he would like the Christmas No1 to be a Christmas carol. It is a time to remember that God became man; a baby born in a manger; a season of peace and good will.

He persists because Cliff is donating all of his download royalties to Alzheimer’s Research, and there is no loneliness quite like that you feel when your nearest and dearest does not even remember your name, let alone 50 years of joyous memories.

He persists because he is fed up of the Cowellisation of the nation’s popular music: not so much ‘He who pays the piper calls the tune’ as ‘He who calls the tune is Simon Cowell who pays himself’.

He persists because he is fed up with the fabricated, plastic pop idols who are here today and gone tomorrow, because they delude the nation’s youth with perpetual hopes of instant fame and fortune.

He persists because Matt Cardle is simply one in a long line of here-today-gone-tomorrow Cowellian creations. Remember past winners? Steve Brookstein? Leon Jackson? Matt Cardle is the man of the moment; ephemeral and transient.

He persists because he was quite appalled at the sudden change of rules this year which kept Mary Byrne out of the final. Now that all voting statistics have been released, it is clear that she and not Cher would have been in the final had it not been for a last-minute ‘fix’.

He persists because X-Factor this year became sleazy: we had whores dancing on the stage, clad in leather and lace, in staging which would not have been out of place in a brothel.

He persists because, well… it’s Christmas. And he wants one just like the ones he used to know. Where the tree-tops glisten, and children listen…

So, please download it on iTunes or Amazon.

Go on. It's just a few pence.

Merry Cliffmas!


Blogger Marie1797 said...

I think you might get more success here by getting this campaign on to the age Concern website!

15 December 2010 at 10:17  
OpenID scottspeig said...

I thought you said download it on 17th?

Also, you might have had more chance if you'd picked a newly released song.

Considering the last song I'd heard Cliff release (The Lord's Prayer) got to No.1, if he'd released a new song, then it would have had a better chance.

15 December 2010 at 10:45  
Blogger steve said...

Your Grace,

I ask again, what is X-Factor?

Are suggesting I switch off my stupidity-blocker on my browser?

15 December 2010 at 10:47  
Blogger Mr Eman said...

Having read some of your posts and at your age, I can fully understand why you're interested in Alzheimer's Research!

Never mind, I'm sure you'll get your wits back soon.

15 December 2010 at 11:43  
Anonymous Chuckles said...

A moments reflection might suggest that those Cliff fans invented those 'computer things', and that the lack of enthusiasm for some minor software products is something called 'taste'?

15 December 2010 at 11:49  
Anonymous opsimath said...

What chuckles just said - I really couldn't improve on it.

Good luck, Cliff.

15 December 2010 at 12:19  
Blogger Gnostic said...

Your Grace, my idea of popular carol singing comes courtesy of the sublime King's College choir for whom I would shell out the cost of a concert ticket if I lived closer. Even an agnostic like me can appreciate good music even if the inspiration for it is religious. On the other hand Cliff is just another one of those plastic pop idols that you so denigrate, the major difference being he's more successful at re-inventing himself than most. Unfortunately his born againism has become rather insufferable over the years.

If I want to give to an Alzheimers charity I'll do so directly and not because I'm made to feel guilty if I don't buy or download some song. I refuse to pander to Cliff's simpering, holier than thou self-smuggery, you see. If you want to pimp for his sense of Xmas No 1 entitlement, Your Grace, then please be aware that there are those who will choose to avoid that particular curb by a country mile and we are legion.

15 December 2010 at 14:08  
Blogger remac said...

I am quite surprised that Your Grace is so concerned about who is or is not at the top of the charts, or who is #1 this Christmas. I will not be listening to the charts and will stay blissfully uninformed as to who is #1. So far as I am concerned it is only those who are interested in things like the X Factor who are bothered at all. I never watch the X Factor either. I don't think the world will change if Sir Cliff is or is not #1. I will listen to, and sing, Christmas carols come what may.


Why is Your Grace so concerned???

15 December 2010 at 14:09  
Anonymous Budgie said...

What about the inimitable Annie Lennox's 'God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen'?

15 December 2010 at 17:08  
Anonymous Budgie said...

A shorter url for 'God Rest Ye':

15 December 2010 at 17:15  
Anonymous Oswin said...

May you persist in your persistence for many years to come, Your Grace; and a Merry Christmas to you too Sir!

15 December 2010 at 17:46  
Anonymous non mouse said...

Your Grace --- The gruaniad is inconsistent? It practices vile hatred and intolerance of the despicable over-somethings? AGEISM?

Funny that. According to the nightmares of 'intellects' like these, I've been too old since I was 25. I wonder what happened to the people who made those claims?
Have "the silent years go[ne] by"? Or don't they remember?

What everyone else says, too. In addition, this 'ere old bat is too unsophisticated to attempt chemical 'dependancy' so as to alleviate the hysteria of her response. Neither could she afford a face-lift like Sir C's, even if she believed in that sort of thing.

One also sympathises with those who care for the victims of Alzheimer's. My mother had similar symptoms, while suffering decades of undiagnosed cancer. Under such circumstances, modern and post-modern grauniadistas would doubtless put us all out to pasture in Global Warming - without discrimination as to gender.

Mind you, the noise marxi-mads call music is enough to drive me out there all by myself. So I'm with Gnostic on King's, donations, etc.

15 December 2010 at 18:45  
Blogger JimSmiling333 said...

Thank you for all your posts and particularly for this post.

I have just sent a copy of your persistent plodding paragraphs to all my Facebook friends and my Gmail address book entries.

Including link to your post, subject "An edifying Christmas archiepiscopal ghostly visitation to all!", and final greeting "Merry Christmas to all and may God bless us, every one, Jim Batley".

15 December 2010 at 18:53  
Blogger LeucipottomySpoon82 said...

@ Gnostic 14:08

Or in the vernacular of the GNT:

"My name is Mob - there are so many of us!"


Sorry everyone sorry, yes I know it's terrible, lol.

15 December 2010 at 21:13  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your Grace, I'm very impressed with YOUR knowledge and use of technology at your age. I have actually thought about that over the last few weeks that I have been reading your blog. I'm younger than you are and you do much better than I do. In this regard, you are pretty hip with your blogging and twittering and posting of video clips etc.

I have to hand it to you.

16 December 2010 at 02:09  
Blogger Gnostic said...


Very good. I like playing with vernacular too. This one has a seasonal flavour.

Scrooge you!

In the roasted and stuffed goose kind of way or course. Here, do try one of my bah humbugs, they are quite delicious you know...

16 December 2010 at 06:18  
Blogger LeucipottomySpoon82 said...

Bit late now but I think this would have been a worthy contender for Christmas number one:

Hallelujah Light Has Come

16 December 2010 at 08:27  
Blogger Demetrius said...

Given the ways things are perhaps Guy Mitchell's "There's A Pawnshop On The Corner" might be a better bet.

16 December 2010 at 12:11  
Blogger Mr Eman said...

It's available on YOUTUBE as it was released in 2007 or 2008.

Surely Cliff could have come up with a song he hadn't released previously for such a good cause? Did he forget?

16 December 2010 at 15:06  
Blogger D. Singh said...

‘He persists because he is fed up with the fabricated, plastic pop idols who are here today and gone tomorrow, because they delude the nation’s youth with perpetual hopes of instant fame and fortune’.

Archbishop Cranmer 15 Decmebr 2010

‘The efforts that men make to bring about their own happiness, their own ease of life, their own self-indulgence, will in due course produce the opposite, leading me to the absolutely inescapable conclusion that human beings cannot live and operate in this world without some concept of a being greater than themselves, and of a purpose which transcends their own egotistic or greedy desires. Once you eliminate the notion of a God, a creator, once you eliminate the notion that the creator has a purpose for us, and that life consists essentially in fulfilling that purpose, then you are bound, as Pascal points out, to induce the megalomania of which we've seen so many manifestations in our time - in the crazy dictators, as in the lunacies of people who are rich, or who consider themselves to be important or celebrated in the western world’.

Malcolm Muggeridge, The Great Liberal Death Wish

16 December 2010 at 15:29  
Anonymous Petronius said...

Forgive me, YG, and please don't get me wrong: although I generally find Sir Cliff's auditory output a little too middle-of-the-road for my personal taste in pop music, this particular song is very beautifully composed and arranged, and I really do like it. I also look up to Sir Cliff for the way he has made his Christian faith manifest in his music, going very much against the grain of the popular music industry.
But the thing is, several years ago I decided to install/register with iTunes, but I abandoned the installation or registration, because I didn't like the way it was proceeding. I'm the sort of chap who likes to browse the internet with all potential security hazards (pop-up adverts, java, scripts etc) switched off or blocked by default, and it seemed that iTunes required me to have some or all of these things operational in order for it to function properly, and I simply wasn't happy with that. I don't recall precisely what the problem was, perhaps my firewall flashed up a message such as "iTunes is trying to act as a server from your PC; allow or decline?" or perhaps their user-licence agreement required me to allow iTunes to target adverts at me according to my history of purchases. Something like that. Whatever it was, I disagreed with it and cancelled the registration, or installation.
So I shall regrettably not be purchasing Sir Cliff's recording from iTunes, beautiful though the song is. However, I shall gladly make a donation to Alzheimer’s Research, on condition that I am able to satisfy myself that such a donation will not be used in the field of embryonic stem cell research. I trust that this is acceptable to Your Grace, and I wish you a joyful Christmas.

16 December 2010 at 21:39  
Blogger Archbishop Cranmer said...

Mr Petronius,

His Grace thanks you for explaining.

But Amazon make no such tedious demands.

Having said that, a donation via JustGiving would be just as welcome.

Bless you.

A Merry Christmas to you, too.

16 December 2010 at 21:47  

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