Friday, December 03, 2010

Snowman abducted? Dial 999 and ask for Jack Frost

"At the end of the day, you don't expect someone to nick your snowman. Do you know what I mean?"

His Grace despairs.

And wonders which way she'll be voting in the AV referendum.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wonder what His Jumped-upness would say if someone 'trespassed' on some large country estate and stole an ice sculpture of a duckhouse? Oh that would be much different - a jolly good whipping would be in order.

3 December 2010 at 13:37  
Blogger English Viking said...

10-1 her name is Tray-cee.

3 December 2010 at 13:48  
Anonymous Stuart said...

Literally unbelievable.

I new a chap who called for an ambulance because he had tooth ache, he was high on drugs at the time, as was his norm.

Sadly this woman might be in her normal state of mind...

3 December 2010 at 14:11  
Anonymous Sam Vega said...

"His Grace despairs".

Which is worse - being upset enough about the theft of a snowman to report it, or despairing that someone reported it?

Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani.....

3 December 2010 at 14:39  
Blogger Daddy said...

Your Grace, I fear this woman probably has children whose father is gone.

Calling 999 to say your snowman's been pinched is plainly ridiculous, but if you told a family court your ex-husband had nicked it, someone would push the big red button!

Thank you for posting it, and brightening a difficult day.

3 December 2010 at 16:21  
Anonymous non mouse said...

I wish they'd speak English: I need some sort of audio dictionary.

Glad they understand each other though.

3 December 2010 at 16:36  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lol, non-mouse. I would have asked her to repeat herself several times.

I still don't know what the snowman had under his arms.


3 December 2010 at 17:11  
Anonymous Oswin said...

All too bloody believable!

Never mind Cameron's 'Happiness Index'...

3 December 2010 at 17:15  
Anonymous not a machine said...

I wonder if the police report describes it as one of the owrst cases "slush and grab" or perhaps it is set to become a "cold case"

3 December 2010 at 18:06  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poor woman; s'no joke and reception from Police was a bit icy too.

3 December 2010 at 18:26  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have replayed this about fifty times and I am desperate to know what he had under his arms. Please help. It's not funney!

3 December 2010 at 21:39  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shit, I think I have finally cracked it!

"He had two of my tea spoons under his arms" No?

3 December 2010 at 21:43  
Anonymous Tray-cee (with big boobs and an 'ssex accent) said...

@English Viking, you can pillage me any day!

3 December 2010 at 22:26  
Anonymous Atlas Shrugged said...

I wonder what His Jumped-upness would say if someone 'trespassed' on some large country estate and stole an ice sculpture of a duckhouse? Oh that would be much different - a jolly good whipping would be in order.

3 December 2010 13:37

Excellent point.

Assuming that this event did actually happen, if it happened to me I would be fairly concerned. Not to mention that my young children would be very upset.

I would be very worried as to the exact reason why anyone would do such a pointlessly vindictive thing.

As you all know I am the last person to be in anyway needlessly PARANOID, but strange things can lead to rather more serious other things.

Maybe, this was a deliberate act of intimidation from an ex boy/girlfriend, and she thought she knew it.

This women may have judged it to be perfectly reasonable to at least put this event on a police record, just incase. Perhaps she genuinely believed that she was in some kind or personal danger.

However IMO there may be a much darker issue at stake here.

Have you ever wondered why it is that people like this women are only ever put on the TV simply to show just how THICK, for want of a better word, ordinary people are.

Jeremy Kyle and Jerry Springer have these types on every day. Insurance and debt load sharks use this stereo-type to help sell highly dubious products. X-Factor would never have got past its pilot without as many Semi-Neanderthals on the show as they can get away with.

In other words later day Freak-shows. Now it seems that the police services along with the news media are also at it.

A method by which the great and not so good make us despise our own, while helping the ever more over stressed middle-class net tax payer feel just a little bit better about themselves.

In other words a much tried and tested method of dividing and ruling the general population.

I just know that many more middle class people will be hearing this women speak and then screaming at their TV's something like, "My God why do they let these people breed,never mind give them my hard earned to help them do it?"

These people may seem to have a reasonable point, after all it is largely their taxes that go a long way to paying for there growing existence. However they should be very careful for what they ask god, because the powers that be may one day give it to them as well.

In a far more long winded way, I am making the exact same point as Anon above. Class warfare can be a subtle conflict, which our ruling class is always winning. They have all the money, power and influence they could ever need, as well as thousands of years of extremely well tried and tested experience.

A Darwinian survival of the most fittest and cunning predator, utterly determined to wipe out all opposition to their self proclaimed divine right to rule over the rest of common humanity, FOREVER, using any and all methods they very well know it takes.

4 December 2010 at 00:00  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG - are you serious 'Atlas Shrug'!

So the Lefties are now defending CRASS stupidy on the part of one member of Joe Public and turning it into an argument about class war.

And where on earth did you get the idea there might be something more sinister to this?

Get real for goodness sake!

4 December 2010 at 01:36  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think aliens were responsible.

4 December 2010 at 01:39  
Anonymous Petronius said...

At one point, the caller admits "I know it's only a snowman, but.." - Therefore, I think that she does actually realise that her complaint is trivial, and that she doesn't really expect any serious action to be taken by the police. So, one might ask, why did she make the 'phone call, then?

I think that this woman is probably living without a husband who would put his arm around her and say "don't worry, my dear, it's just been carted off by a few youths, for a bit of fun". She didn't want to "report a crime", she merely felt the need to talk to someone, and to hear a word of reassurance at the other end of the telephone line. She had no soul-mate to whom she could turn (and I understand this well, as I live by myself by my own choice - one of the pitfalls of this is that, sometimes trivial things can play havoc with the mind, and all it needs is a friendly voice to say "don't over-react or imagine things, this trouble is all in your mind, it's nothing to get upset about") and so she called the police, merely needing to hear someone reassure her that all was well.

Maybe I am psycho-analysing too deeply here, but my gut feeling is that the woman in question is not on drugs, or mentally imbalanced, but is simply lonely. Yes, her telephone call was rather silly, but sometimes, when you look into peoples' motivations, you can (to an extent) excuse (or at least understand) their ostensibly silly behaviour.

4 December 2010 at 01:52  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clearly the public need more education on the matter of public services. We should add policing to the primary school curriculum along with sex. Teach them that at any one time cvast numbers of police are off sick, or gone on early retirement, or on diversity and racial courses, paternity leave, rest breaks, or restricted by health and safety considerations.
While delays may be encountered in responding to mass extermination or nuclear calls because of these considerations, it may help crime solved figures to see about your snow man, so try again.

4 December 2010 at 09:15  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Someone should drop off a ziploc bag of water to the woman and tell her with sincere apologies that they searched all night and found her snowman in an abandoned car. Footprints around the car matched the ones on her property. They will continue to try to find the person who owns the prints but that it will be a longshot.

4 December 2010 at 16:49  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Has the woman never the song@

"We're walking in the air ...."

4 December 2010 at 17:53  
Blogger Woman on a Raft said...

There's a video of him walking in the air.

Snowmen didn't need CRB checks or a CAA rating in 1982, but things have changed since then and chummy will have a spell in the cooler when they catch him.

5 December 2010 at 12:20  
Anonymous Mr Sponge said...

Proof, if proof were still needed, that there should be some kind of qualifying criteria for obtaining the vote, other than just having a pulse.

5 December 2010 at 12:31  

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