Friday, August 26, 2011

The Blog Cabinet of the United Kingdom

Several years ago, when the Conservative Party was in opposition and we dwelled under the oppression of the Blair/Brown/EU oligarchy, His Grace fantasised about his ideal Cabinet (from people living or dead). Much of it escapes him: he vaguely recalls creating a new department for Norris McWhirter – Secretary of State for Constitutional Affairs (or some such), yet the entire post appears to have been lost in the mists of time and the dense fog that is Google. But no matter. This being the final week of August – and there being no sign of the Prime Minister being imminently recalled again from his holiday – His Grace thought it would be a bit of fun and silliness to seek the thoughts of his communicants as to which UK bloggers ought to be appointed to the Blog Cabinet of the United Kingdom.

The make-up of the present Cabinet may be found HERE. Below are His Grace’s favoured nominations to the Blog Cabinet. They are not all a perfect fit (though many are), but, as with all politics, His Grace was obliged to find positions for all those he favoured. Naturally, modesty prevents him from proposing himself for office, though other bloggers are free to nominate themselves should they wish to do so. There is no obligation to fill all positions (which takes quite some time), and alternative departments may be created (with justified reason). Please include the name of the blog as well as the nominee.

UPDATE 11.30am - after considerable lobbying and significant media (Twitter) pressure, His Grace was forced into a Blog Cabinet reshuffle: Tim Montgomerie went to DWP and Donal Blaney to Justice.

Archbishop Cranmer's nominations to the Blog Cabinet of the United Kingdom

Prime Minister - Norman Tebbit (Telegraph)

Deputy Prime Minister - Daniel Hannan (Telegraph)

Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs - Melanie Phillips (Melanie Phillips)

Chancellor of the Exchequer - John Redwood (John Redwood's Diary)

Secretary of State for Justice - Donal Blaney (Dale & Co)

Secretary of State for the Home Department - Janet Daley (Telegraph)

Minister for Women and Equality - Ed West (Telegraph)

Secretary of State for Defence - Dr Richard North (Defence of the Realm/ EU Referendum)

Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills - Douglas Carswell (Douglas Carswell's Blog)

Secretary of State for Work and Pensions - Tim Montgomerie (ConservativeHome)

Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change - James Delingpole (Telegraph)

Secretary of State for Health - Nadine Dorries (Dale & Co)

Secretary of State for Education - Katharine Birbalsingh (Telegraph)

Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government - Nick Baines (Nick Baines' Blog)

Secretary of State for Transport - Mark Wallace (Crash Bang Wallace)

Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs - Therese Coffey (Dale & Co)

Secretary of State for International Development - Paul Goodman (ConservativeHome)

Secretary of State for Northern Ireland - Mick Fealty (Slugger O'Toole)

Secretary of State for Scotland - Tom Harris (Dale & Co)

Secretary of State for Wales - Grant Tucker (Dale & Co)

Secretary of State for Culture, Olympics, Media and Sport - Iain Dale (Dale & Co)

Chief Secretary to the Treasury - Phillip Blond (The Disraeli Room)

Leader of the House of Lords - Michael Ashcroft (Dale & Co)

Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster - Greg Callus (Dale & Co)

Minister without Portfolio (Minister of State) - Nelson Jones (Heresy Corner)

Also attending Cabinet meetings

Minister for the Cabinet Office - Charles Crawford (Charles Crawford)

Paymaster General - Mike Smithson (Political Betting)

Minister of State in the Cabinet Office - Peter Hitchens (Mail)

Minister of State for Universities and Science - Guy Walters (New Statesman)

Leader of the House of Commons - Toby Young (Telegraph)

Lord Privy Seal - Martin Bright (Spectator Coffee House)

Chief Whip in the House of Commons - Paul Staines (Guido Fawkes)

Also attends Cabinet when ministerial responsibilities are on the agenda

Attorney General - David Allen Green (Jack of Kent)

95 Comments:

Blogger Span Ows said...

And could a previous Archbishop of Canterbury be leader in the Lords?

;-)

26 August 2011 at 09:39  
Blogger Rubymalvolio said...

What happens when Nadine Dorries becomes a Jehova's Witness and we are not allowed blood transfusions?

26 August 2011 at 10:13  
Blogger Rubati said...

Nah, I rather His Grace re-assume his old office. :)

26 August 2011 at 10:23  
Blogger Richard Brown said...

Archbishop of Canterbury - John Richardson (the Ugley Vicar)

26 August 2011 at 10:28  
Blogger steve said...

Richard "Flyboy" North as defence sectary?

Really?

Always nice to have a good laugh with an early elevenses.

26 August 2011 at 10:42  
Blogger John Strafford said...

And where is the Party Chairman?

26 August 2011 at 10:51  
Blogger Lay Anglicana said...

If I were to cross your palm with silver, could I be PPS/spear carrier to Iain Dale, Tim Montgomerie or Toby Young?

26 August 2011 at 10:52  
Blogger Stewart Cowan said...

I would like to propose Leg-iron as Secretary of State for Health.

26 August 2011 at 11:07  
Blogger Anabaptist said...

Wrong, Cranny; wrong. Hitchens should be PM, and Christopher Booker Justice Secretary.

If North and Hannan sat in the same cabinet there would soon be murder. Let's dispense with Hannan.

A place should be found for Tebbit as Europe minister.

26 August 2011 at 11:18  
Blogger Sgt Prepper said...

Your Grace,

You can have whatever cabinet you like as far as I`m concerned, so long as they keep their rules and regulations, ambitions and bandwagons, tax and state monitoring plans written in invisible ink on one small piece of paper hidden in a deep vault marked,

Danger of Death, Do NOT Open

Then they can all sit in No10 and discuss how wonderful and important they are and do absolutely nothing else, thus leaving those who do not suffer from pathological delusions of grandeur ie the general public to go about their business without state interference, taxation, punishment, threat, ridicule or execution.

26 August 2011 at 11:19  
Blogger Man with No Name said...

English Viking - Secretary of State for Peace and Harmony

26 August 2011 at 11:25  
Blogger Archbishop Cranmer said...

Mr Anabaptist,

Booker doesn't blog and the Europe Minister doesn't sit in Cabinet. Do keep up. And as for North and Hannan killing each other, well, that's politics.

Mr John Strafford,

Has the Party Chairman always been an ex officio Cabinet position? If so, why does Warsi also hold the 'without portfolio' brief?

26 August 2011 at 11:34  
Blogger Jack of Kent said...

As (a liberal) Attorney General of this almost entirely illiberal Cabinet, I will get to advise that almost everything they propose is contrary to ECHR, EU and other international obligations (and under the Common Law as well, I am sure). This will have the happy effect, under the Rule of Law, of voiding a great deal of what they would otherwise want to do.

In the words of Rorschach in Watchmen, "I'm not stuck in here with you, you are all stuck in here with me".

26 August 2011 at 11:40  
Blogger Anabaptist said...

Booker doesn't blog?

What's this, then, Cranny? http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/christopherbooker/

Maybe there is some subtle distinction in the minds of afficionados between blogging and this? I don't know. Do try to be a little more flexible.

Can't the Europe minister be in this class: 'Also attends Cabinet when ministerial responsibilities are on the agenda'? I was entering into the spirit of the thing.

26 August 2011 at 11:44  
Blogger Archbishop Cranmer said...

Mr Jack of Kent,

You are there to dispense legal advice. No-one is obliged either to listen or follow it.

26 August 2011 at 11:45  
Blogger ascorbic said...

@Jack of Kent Don't you think their first act would be to leave the EU, Council of Europe and most other international bodies? I'm also sure they'd have no problem "suspending" any inconvenient bits of Common Law.

26 August 2011 at 11:47  
Blogger Jack of Kent said...

Rule of Law, Your Grace.

Her Majesty's ministers are precluded from knowingly breaking the law of the land. I will bring your Cabinet's right-wing knavery to a complete halt ;-)

26 August 2011 at 11:48  
Blogger Jack of Kent said...

Oh, and then I will intervene and discontinue every single prosecution brought under any new illiberal criminal statutes.

Oh, the fun I would have....

26 August 2011 at 11:53  
Blogger Archbishop Cranmer said...

Mr Jack of Kent,

As your predecessor Lord Goldsmith discovered over the legality of the Iraq war, the law is an art.

26 August 2011 at 11:53  
Blogger Alexander said...

Your Grace,

You appear to have forgotten Gerald Warner.

26 August 2011 at 12:07  
Blogger Stewart Cowan said...

Oh, and I strongly object to Tom Harris becoming Secretary of State for Scotland.

26 August 2011 at 12:13  
Blogger Anabaptist said...

Mr Alexander, Cranny'll probably just tell you that Warner doesn't have a blog, despite this:
http://scotlandonsunday.scotsman.com/geraldwarner

...which is just as much a blog as Booker's.

But you are right: it was a serious omission, especially in view of all that Iain Dale rubbish.

26 August 2011 at 12:15  
Blogger Span Ows said...

@Stewart Cowan, the link you post leads nowhere as it has an apostrophe at the end causing the page to not be found.

26 August 2011 at 12:17  
Blogger Archbishop Cranmer said...

Good grief.

Warner left The Telegraph and (unlike Melanie Phillips at The Spectator) there's nothing to point you to where he may now be.

And His Grace had absolutely no idea that Booker wrote for The Times but blogged for The Telegraph.

26 August 2011 at 12:24  
Blogger Krystina said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

26 August 2011 at 12:44  
Blogger Krystina said...

The cabinet list is praiseworthy, if only, I might add, it were real.

26 August 2011 at 12:47  
Blogger Berserker said...

Why no mention of the great man who represents scouser land? (I give you: Frank's Westminster Blog)

I propose a Ministry of State for - Think the Unthinkable.

26 August 2011 at 12:48  
Blogger scottspeig said...

Now that's a government I want!!

Yes please - although can we make sure Jack of Kent is barred from speaking at any of these meetings - he's depressing me of this fantasy! :)

26 August 2011 at 12:55  
Blogger Tanfield said...

Can a cabinet post be found for Simon Heffer?

26 August 2011 at 13:15  
Blogger Jack of Kent said...

Blogged: http://jackofkent.blogspot.com/2011/08/cranmers-cabinet-of-horrors.html

26 August 2011 at 13:24  
Blogger Dominic Stapleton said...

Peter Hitchens does not write for the Daily Mail. He writes for the Mail on Sunday.

26 August 2011 at 13:45  
Blogger Old Blue Eyes said...

Your Grace,
Does Frank Field not do a blog? I would certainly like him to have a place in the cabinet along with Kate Hoey. From the rest of your suggestions I particularly like your nominations for P.M. and Chancellor. If only it could be.

26 August 2011 at 13:52  
Blogger Archbishop Cranmer said...

Mr Dominic Stapleton,

Mr Hitchens may very well write for the Mail on Sunday, but his blog is included in Mail Online without differentiation. His Grace has amended to 'Mail'.

Mr Old Blue Eyes,

No, Mr Field does not blog (unless someone impatient and curmudgeonly knows different).

26 August 2011 at 13:58  
Blogger Dominic Stapleton said...

Mail Online is the website of both the Daily Mail and the Mail on Sunday. Peter Hitchens' blog is situated within the Mail on Sunday domain at http://hitchensblog.mailonsunday.co.uk.

I mention this only because I know he is very particular over this distinction, and can often be heard correcting people who refer to him as a "Daily Mail columnist".

26 August 2011 at 14:12  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

Would this fantasy Cabinet be capable of running our affairs?

Intellectual capacity aside, would Norman Tebbitt and his troops be able to balance the broad church that is the 'Conservative Party' or would it result in an inevitable schism?

How long before a loss of Parliamentary support with a vote of no confidence?

Would such a Cabinet represent the collective will of all people that make up Britain? How well are different faith, ethnic, regional interests represented?

Does any of the above matter? They could always sit around dreaming of simpler times in days long gone sharing stories from Biggles and the Famous Five.

26 August 2011 at 14:34  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

26 August 2011 at 14:35  
Blogger Matt Wardman said...

Nick Baines?

Fascinating.

26 August 2011 at 14:39  
Blogger Chaconia said...

Can Boris be considered for deputy PM -- or possibly Speaker? His blog is at http://www.boris-johnson.com/

26 August 2011 at 15:02  
Blogger Anabaptist said...

Are we to take it, Dear Cranny, that those who happen to mention that certain people do in fact blog, despite your assertions that they do not, must be classified as 'impatient and curmudgeonly'?

I do hope not, for such a classification might say more about the classifier than the classified.

And have you happened to notice my link (above) to Gerald Warner's Scotland on Sunday blog?

Only trying to help; you should know that.

26 August 2011 at 15:12  
Blogger non mouse said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

26 August 2011 at 15:25  
Blogger non mouse said...

Nick Baines ???!!!???
No. Definitely no.

But Your Grace jests. He knows Bradford's in enough trouble as it is, without its (usually absentee) mole having even more power to promote the euSSR and germany.

26 August 2011 at 15:31  
Blogger Oswin said...

My First Eleven 'All-Stars' plus reserves, both real and fictional:

Queen Elizabeth I; both Cromwells; Archbishop Cranmer, either incarnation; John Dee; Merlin; Hugh Dowding; Arthur Conan-Doyle; Robin Hood; Hugh Gaitskell;
both Churchills, John and Winston; Orde Wingate; Sooty; Bagpuss; and finally, El Cid (with Portfolio).

26 August 2011 at 16:46  
Blogger tory boys never grow up said...

This is a joke of course - if Donal Blaney were in charge of Justice, I somehow don't see Jack of Kent administering it. And Dale in charge of Culture and Sport - with Cliff Richard, Abba and West Ham setting the standard for everyone to follow!

26 August 2011 at 17:01  
Blogger Elby the Beserk said...

Very good. I think it would work as well! However, Guido for Speaker, I think. Mrs. Guido would not be obliged to play the Sally WhataCow role, however. In the meantime, the Speaker could join Mrs in the hell of Big Brother, and neither could ever be evicted. Or extradited from it.

An aside. I was at school with the Hitchens brothers. Even back then, in the mid 60s, Christopher was unable to get over himself, and Peter unable to get over his brother. Some things do not change, do they, even with the wisdom of age?

26 August 2011 at 17:33  
Blogger warlord said...

"Minister for Women and Equality - Ed West (Telegraph) "
This post should be abolished, of course. We do not need a minister for Women and Equality any more than we need a ministry for climate change.

26 August 2011 at 17:52  
Blogger DanJ0 said...

"Melanie Phillips"

Oh lordy.

26 August 2011 at 18:02  
Blogger Robert Eve said...

Shame it is only a bit of fun!!

26 August 2011 at 18:58  
Blogger Matt Wardman said...

Would Donal Blaney run the Ministry of Justice from home via Twitter?

26 August 2011 at 19:02  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

English Viking

The Ranting Penguin offers an interesting insight into your world. Very edifying.

Did you nominate anybody for 'C*** of the Year'?

26 August 2011 at 19:35  
Blogger non mouse said...

What about King Alfred for ... the job with the most power?z

26 August 2011 at 19:43  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

26 August 2011 at 19:44  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

English Viking

You do need to remember the particular part of the human anatomy referred to in this award serves, amongst other things, a useful purpose.

This would most certainly disqualify John Prescott.

26 August 2011 at 20:03  
Blogger The Heff said...

Would the last person to leave Britain please punch out thier lights?

26 August 2011 at 20:05  
Blogger Donal Blaney said...

Why would I run the MOJ from home, Matt?

26 August 2011 at 20:29  
Blogger Bred in the bone said...

Johnny Walker for PM and then fill the cabinet with lots of other tipples.

Party at mine, twitter it!

26 August 2011 at 22:11  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

26 August 2011 at 22:12  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

26 August 2011 at 22:14  
Blogger Wandering Pilgrim said...

A Nationalist Secretary of State for Northern Ireland... is that really a good idea with protestant alienation?

lol nah Micks a good man

26 August 2011 at 22:39  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

English Viking

My sincere advice is to avoid that blog. You might agree with view of situations (I, as you know, don't) but he offers no solutions, hence his rage. Not very grown up. Not a healthy place to be. A bad, bad outlook on life.

All the blog offers is tirades of mindless abuse and swearing. His mouth is most certainly many, many levels below yours!

26 August 2011 at 22:44  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

26 August 2011 at 23:43  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

26 August 2011 at 23:50  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

26 August 2011 at 23:55  
Blogger Bred in the bone said...

EV you sound like my kind of party guy, just remember, no politics or religion allowed in the party.

Take it outside.

27 August 2011 at 00:44  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

27 August 2011 at 00:53  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

27 August 2011 at 00:56  
Blogger PJ said...

You're Grace, this would simply be an amazing cabinet. I like the idea of Grant Tucker for SS for Wales, bit young thought isn't he!?

27 August 2011 at 01:01  
Blogger Bred in the bone said...

I want Brian Blessed as the Speaker of the House.

Phil Collins on drumming support.

Son of the Krays as Cheif Whip.

27 August 2011 at 01:02  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

English Viking

I come from 1960's Eastend, no need to tell me about life in the 'boxing ring' or the gutter.

That's all behind me now thanks to a Methodist probation officer, an ex-Docker, who saw something in me I didn't see in myself.

You're better than that crap on the blog and you know it.

27 August 2011 at 01:10  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

27 August 2011 at 01:40  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

27 August 2011 at 01:55  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

English Viking

It all depends on the circumstances, the moral justification for your actions, and their legitimacy. "Kill them all ..." is acceptable in legal and moral warfare.

27 August 2011 at 02:00  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

English Viking

Time to leave old ways and attitudes behind and seek peace with yourself and others.

27 August 2011 at 02:04  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

27 August 2011 at 02:09  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

27 August 2011 at 02:13  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

English Viking

Are you playing with me or being genuine? Your changes in mood confuse me.

27 August 2011 at 02:15  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

English Viking

He has already!

All you need do is ask. Thereafter, you have to do what your conscience tells you you must to put matters right in this world.

27 August 2011 at 02:19  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

27 August 2011 at 02:24  
Blogger Gnostic said...

You couldn't find room for Autonomous Mind, Your Grace? Or Bishop Hill?

27 August 2011 at 08:21  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

English Viking

You mistake me. Your mood doesn't annoy me at all, just confused me as I said.

My advise would be to have a long conversation about your past with a man of God you trust. Someone who can offer spiritual advice as well as possibly suggest avenues for emotional or psychological assistance.

We are human creatures as well as spiritual beings and it is not weakness to accept therapeutic intervention of any sort. If you had a broken leg you wouldn't have a problem having a cast put on it, would you? Or accepting insulin for diabetes?

27 August 2011 at 11:10  
Blogger Oswin said...

Beware the soft words of the Jesuit.

27 August 2011 at 16:08  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

27 August 2011 at 16:11  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

27 August 2011 at 16:12  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

27 August 2011 at 16:35  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

Oswin

If you wer referring to me I wonder if you'd care to explain your comment?

27 August 2011 at 17:06  
Blogger Oswin said...

Dodo:

My apologies, it was unsporting of me, I was not meant for a fly-swat; but you do so tempt a fellow.

27 August 2011 at 17:09  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

27 August 2011 at 17:28  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

Oswin

But that's 'The Way of the Dodo'!

27 August 2011 at 19:27  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

English Viking

Wise to have clarified that. You've clearly experienced a traumatic event that weights on your mind and soul.

In my experience, whilst painful memories might be stored in a 'little room' at the back of one's mind they do have a way of intruding into everyday life. You seem to me to be in a constant state of 'warfare' (see your response to MwNM above).

Get your demons exorcised! I speak metaphorically. I understand your reservations about psycho-babble and you would need to avoid the band of numpties who advertise as counsellors, hypnotherapists and NLP's. Cowboys, the lot of them.

There are reputable, Christian organisations and it might be worthwhile looking into it. Buried grief or horror needs to be addressed. Sounds like you feel you'll be a pussy if you show weakness. I'd advise its sometimes an act of bravery to accept assistance and to admit sorrow and remorse.

Good luck and God Bless with this trial. You'll come through - dickweed!

27 August 2011 at 19:42  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

27 August 2011 at 22:17  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

English Viking

"In him was life: and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in darkness ..."

Better to be helped to open the box and let the light dispel the darkness.

27 August 2011 at 23:22  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

28 August 2011 at 01:51  
Blogger English Viking said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

28 August 2011 at 02:23  
Blogger The Way of the Dodo said...

Why hold yourself responsible for something you were powerless to prevent?

28 August 2011 at 14:27  
Blogger Homeschool on the Croft said...

Sounds good to me, but why have:
Minister for Europe;
Minister for Climate Change;
Minister for Education (not the job of the state, surely);
Minister for Scotland (part of the UK);
Minister for Wales (ditto);
Minister for NI (ditto);
Minister for Culture (c'mon);
Minister for Food (gimme strength);

You could, though, add one:
Minister for getting rid of half the ministerial positions.

Otherwise.... the cabinet is good. Great, in fact. ;)

30 August 2011 at 11:35  
Blogger non mouse said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3 September 2011 at 02:22  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Newer›  ‹Older