Friday, June 08, 2012

Mayor Boris on David Letterman



A little Friday light relief, just to remind you of why Boris reaches the parts other politicians cannot reach (and never will). He says he has about as much chance of becoming prime minister as he has of being reincarnated as an olive. His Grace will now urgently read up on statistical deterministic metempsychosis and the theology of transmogrification.

60 Comments:

Blogger It Will Come to Me said...

He's still favourite with Betfair to be the next leader of the Tories. He didn't categorically rule out the possibility of becoming PM.

8 June 2012 at 12:34  
Blogger Corrigan1 said...

Does he need to be reincarnated as a fruit? He's already a vegetable.

8 June 2012 at 12:53  
Blogger carl jacobs said...

Now, if only David Letterman was funny ... instead of being just one more pompous 'Noboby here but us New Yorkers' windbag.

carl

8 June 2012 at 13:43  
Blogger Mr Integrity said...

Your Grace,
Who is David Letterman and where is New York?

8 June 2012 at 14:15  
Blogger Demetrius said...

Daphne was turned into a laurel tree. But that was because she remained a virgin. Does this Greek precedent apply therefore to Boris? Zeus only knows.

8 June 2012 at 14:35  
Blogger Office of Inspector General said...

Struth ! Maybe if all his mistresses actively campaigned for him...

8 June 2012 at 18:36  
Blogger non mouse said...

Now there's one I've already watched three times over, Your Grace! (I always was a fool for charm).

So now it's back to Donne, and also to Ovid.

8 June 2012 at 18:38  
Blogger Preacher said...

A Politician with a genuine laugh & a sense of humour instead of a plastic smile!, WOW!. He could be to the Tories what Jose Mourhinno was to Chelsea. The Special One.

8 June 2012 at 19:59  
Blogger Office of Inspector General said...

Apparently, it’s expected of any would be Tory Prime Minister to get on his knees and deliver for the gays.

What is Johnson going to have to give them. Maybe suppression of hateful and homophobic sites like Cranmer. Not the Inspector’s words, but the sentiment of our friends, the pink arseholes...

8 June 2012 at 22:23  
Blogger Matt A said...

Boris has his good points, but I don't know why His Grace gives him so much endorsement.

8 June 2012 at 22:26  
Blogger Office of Inspector General said...

Matt A. Boris is a chancer. With a few decades behind him, the Inspector can assure you of this. Where have all the conviction Conservatives gone ? Surely not all to UKIP...

8 June 2012 at 22:44  
Blogger Matt A said...

If the "redefinition of marriage" goes through, I have vowed never to vote Tory again, and have advised my local MP (the delightful Louise Mensch) as such. But is UKIP really the answer? I am open to the possibility, but yet to be convinced.

8 June 2012 at 23:09  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

Please ... is Boris the best the Conservative can do? How depressing that a lascivious clown is even being seriously considered.

Now there is a man ... His time is approaching!

The Noble Inspector

Half a league half a league,
Half a league onward,
Into the valley of weird types
Rode the Noble Inspector:
“Forward, the Inspector!
Charge the queer types”
he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the Inspector.

”Forward, the Inspector!”
Was he down hearted?
Not tho' the Inspector knew
He was on his own:
His not to make reply,
His not to reason why,
His but to do & die,
Into the valley of weird types
Rode the Noble Inspector.

Homosexuals to right of him,
Lesbians to left of him,
Transsexuals in front of him,
Volley'd & thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shriek and yell,
Boldly he rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the brave Inspector.

Flash'd his sabre bare,
Flash'd as he turn'd in air
Sabring the strange types there,
Charging an army while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line he broke;
Lesbian, homosexual, transsexual and bi-sexual
Reel'd from the sabre-stroke,
Shatter'd & sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the Noble Inspector.

Strange type to right of him,
Limp wrists to left of him,
Hairy ar_ed women behind him
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shriek and yell,
While enemy and weirdo fell,
He that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
Victory his alone,
How valiant the Noble Inspector.

When can his glory ever fade?
O the wild charge that he made!
All the world wonder'd.
Honour that charge that he made!
Honour the Inspector,
Oh the Noble Inspector!

8 June 2012 at 23:19  
Blogger Office of Inspector General said...

Matt A. That’s the spirit. The Inspector is on record as saying he too will not vote conservative at a national level if SSM goes through. If there is no UKIP man standing or no independent, he will not vote at all. Do bear in mind that at local level, the Conservatives are very good types. Not to be confused with those shameless self enrichers who masquerade nationally as such under the blue flag.

Dodo. You do the Inspector a great honour to be associated with Tennyson’s masterpiece, albeit mangled with good intent. The Inspector is a man of principle and is incapable of smiling while he lies, so that rules out a political career. But he would like to be in the back room with his ‘kick ass’ boot on as Carl would probably say it.

8 June 2012 at 23:36  
Blogger Oswin said...

I don't mind reading a few lines of drivel, but some people really take a lend!

8 June 2012 at 23:42  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

Yeah, but the gems within are worth the effort!

8 June 2012 at 23:57  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

Inspector

(very low voice) So what went down between you and our host? My warnings have been public. What happened?

(Quick reply recommended before this is deleted. Hopefully he's out on the town drinking, it being Friday.)

9 June 2012 at 00:12  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

nn

9 June 2012 at 00:12  
Blogger len said...

Why does every article from HG turn into a hate fest(by the usual suspects)against' gays'?

God`s solution for every problem on this planet is reveal within the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

It is the Love of God revealed by Jesus Christ which draws men to Him, Jesus never condoned sin but revealed the Love of God toward sinners.

Conviction of sin is the work of the Holy Spirit.... condemnation of sinners(with hate) is purely a work of the Devil!.Satan is the accuser who leads people into sin and then condemns them before God.

9 June 2012 at 10:30  
Blogger len said...

One Of Boris`s attributes is his 'naturalness' in a World of spin and hype and this endears him to many people.
Boris for PM?. We could(and have ) done a lot worse!.

9 June 2012 at 10:52  
Blogger Atlas Shrugged said...

Dear Inspector.

Your observations concerning BJ are correct, it is a pity that your instincts are not as sharp concerning the joint leadership of your own religion.

I quote.

"An entirely COMMUNIST scheme, brought in by a conservative mayor."

I admire BJ's honesty but not the listeners cognitive faculties.

Twenty years on from the apparent fall of Communism, and we have communism coming to the streets of London and New York by stealth.

Indeed we have Marxist Communism flowing freely from every pore of the establishment, including our very own monarchy.

There NEVER was any difference between Capitalism at the top, and Marxist Communism. Indeed records show that Marxism comes from The City of London, and has been promoted all over the entire world by British and European banksters for over 150 years.

We are now stuck between the RED Devil, and The deep BLUE sea. We have the choice of either staying in the frying pan, or jumping into the fire.

Which is of course no real choice at all, so no change there.

As the people of 1930s Germany soon enough found out to there enormous cost, democracy is ultimately only a stepping stone to the worst possible form of murderous dictatorship.

The ONLY form of government that works at all well for the ordinary people is that of a Constitutional Republic, which protects individual property and all property rights, under the rule of Gods laws.

9 June 2012 at 12:11  
Blogger Office of Inspector General said...

Len. Why does every article from HG turn into a hate fest(by the usual suspects)against' gays'?

Len, did your discerning intellect make it into 2012 intact ? You really out to put the good book down once in a while and sniff the air....

Dodo, what went on between the Archbishop and the Inspector is not for public consumption. Let us say that in the height of passion, the prelate ticked him off. As so he should have...

9 June 2012 at 12:27  
Blogger Atlas Shrugged said...

Dear Len

I heartedly commend you for your efforts, however do you ever get the impression you are preaching to all but utterly deserted congregation?

For I am in little doubt that I am doing so.

However please don't let this stop you. Let it not be said that you labored in vain, nor wasted your strength for nought, for your work is before the Lord, and your recompense obtained only from God.

Our minds are all but useless to us without a proper understanding of Grammar Rhetoric and Logic. Without which we are no better then a badly configured computer, crap in = crap out.

9 June 2012 at 12:37  
Blogger It Will Come to Me said...

@Atlas Shrugged

'As the people of 1930s Germany soon enough found out to there enormous cost..'

'Our minds are all but useless to us without a proper understanding of Grammar Rhetoric and Logic.'

Spelling helps to? two? too?

9 June 2012 at 12:51  
Blogger It Will Come to Me said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9 June 2012 at 12:51  
Blogger It Will Come to Me said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9 June 2012 at 12:52  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

Atlas

I agree with It Will etc

Their, there, they're.

9 June 2012 at 13:17  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

Inspector

And all evidence removed too ... I'm sure I would have chuckled at his admonishment of you, friend.

Do I still have my hard earned title: " ... the most tedious communicant upon His Grace's blog.”?

So - fill in the blank and I'll say no more:

The Inspector "The most ----- communicant upon His Grace's blog.

9 June 2012 at 13:27  
Blogger Office of Inspector General said...

“Ruthless”

9 June 2012 at 13:31  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

That's self-given. What designation would our host give?

9 June 2012 at 13:49  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

little pope len said...
"Why does every article from HG turn into a hate fest(by the usual suspects)against' gays'?"

You are such a stupid wee man. At first I believed you feigned this for effect. But no, it's genuine.

Noone posting here "hates" homosexuals! However, their attack on the very fabric of our Christian culture has to be resisted in plain and uncompromising ways. It just wont do to be all nicey, nicey and avoid confrontation.

Fail to understand this and you have failed to understand Genesis.

9 June 2012 at 13:58  
Blogger len said...

Dodo you seem totally oblivious to the inconsistencies of your' religious' outlook.

Your failure to understand Scripture is not limited to Genesis but the entire will of God and the intentions of the Gospel.

9 June 2012 at 14:04  
Blogger len said...

Dodo you obviously identity yourself as one of the ' usual suspects'.(quite rightly)

It is a somewhat cowardly aspect of 'trolls' that they reveal their true natures whilst hiding behind anonymity( I believe this is to be changed in the future.)

We see (quite plainly) your true nature revealed on this blog stripped of all religious pretensions.
God is not impressed with religious performances put on to impress those within the Church but on who you are when no one(but God) knows your true identity(and nature)

9 June 2012 at 14:13  
Blogger Office of Inspector General said...

“Intrepid”

9 June 2012 at 14:13  
Blogger Office of Inspector General said...

Then for another communicant we have “weasel like”.

9 June 2012 at 14:15  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

Is that an infallible ex-cathedra statement little pope len?

According to your 'Gospel' we are to stand on the side-lines and watch the world descend into anarchy. It's that kind of outlook that permits 'Christian' clergy to indulge their own perversions and commend them to others.

Homosexual sex is a grave disorder and shocking affront against God. Left unchecked and normalised, it will spread and corrupt the very core of our society.

So bang your tamborine and tell the world "God loves us all". He does, of course, but He detests sin.

9 June 2012 at 14:19  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

Are you a homosexual little pope len? Best to get it out in the open and make a clean breast of it.

9 June 2012 at 14:23  
Blogger Office of Inspector General said...

Dodo. He’ll be in town now, with his sandwich board, “end of the world” and all that, you know...

9 June 2012 at 14:28  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

Yep, a proper pilchard sandwich. What a sight he must be.

9 June 2012 at 14:41  
Blogger Oswin said...

Dodo: all things considered, you really are a wee noxious twat.

9 June 2012 at 16:42  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

Why thank you, Oswin. How kind.

9 June 2012 at 16:51  
Blogger len said...

Dodo is responding in true' troll' fashion which is his customary response lacking the ability to do anything else.

It seems to be his only contribution to this Blog.

How sad that people will think Dodo is what' Christianity' is all about
and walk away in the other direction.

'By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?'(Matthew 7:16)

Your 'fruit' Dodo seems to be well past it sell by date and is starting to give off an air of corruption.

10 June 2012 at 09:26  
Blogger len said...

Inspector , If carrying a' sandwich board' would advance the Gospel I would gladly carry one.

Dodo and the Inspector( I appeal to HG as well) don`t ever bar these two clowns because they authenticate every statement I have ever made about the futility of religion. Religion never changed anybody it is a device invented by man to make men appear Godly(these two don`t even attain that!.

So Dodo and the Inspector stand as living truth that Jesus Christ and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit is the only way to become a Christian , a follower of Christ and this deadly duo who enjoy dumping all over this blog fall short of every aspect of Christian teaching!.

I would appeal to all secular folk that the Irascible Inspector and the Doggy Do-Do are as much Christians as one of my cats!.

10 June 2012 at 09:39  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

little pope len

Goodness, bet you're glad that's off your chest.

Your version of the Gospel is all over the place. Heck, you don't know what you believe from one week to the next.

Now, have you anything to say about the subject matter of the thread - Boris as a potential Prime Minister? I note that earlier you gave support to this idea. Now that says something about your 'christianity'!

10 June 2012 at 12:06  
Blogger Office of Inspector General said...

Len. One is sure the Archbishop is grateful that you so condescend to allow the Inspector among others to continue posting on your joint site. Perhaps he might appreciate a list from you containing the names of various communicants that need, well lets just say ‘monitoring’.

In a similar act of haughtiness, you reiterate your stance of ‘Jesus is mine and you can’t have any of him’. Verily, it is so written here, that you will one day get what’s coming to you, you jumped up Christian imposter !

10 June 2012 at 12:37  
Blogger len said...

Yawn.Got anything interesting to say or just the usual boring stuff?.

10 June 2012 at 19:46  
Blogger len said...

Inspector you haven`t mention 'sandwich boards' for several minutes now?.
Memory going?.

10 June 2012 at 19:51  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

little pope len?

Given its size and from a distance your avitar looks like much like several serpents twisted together. Something of a snake pit, in fact.

Very fitting for you, I'd say.

11 June 2012 at 00:41  
Blogger Jon said...

Didn't a wise man say that a house divided will soon fall? Christendom's foundations appear slushy with the bile Dodo and the Inspector spew at Len (amongst others).

My guess is that at school you both probably used to get your lunch money from the smallest girl you could find, travelling on the coat tails of more successful bullies. Little has changed in your lives it would appear.

11 June 2012 at 11:04  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

Jon, oh do grow up you silly little boy. Is the death of that bird still troubling you. Poor child. Do not watch any nature programmes or you'll be traumatised for life.

11 June 2012 at 13:15  
Blogger Jon said...

More bile Dodo? Your liver must be exhausted!

The death of the bird was sad, yes. But hardly the existential angst you must continually face as your puerile excuses for second hand arguments get continually demolished, and those who you once considered allies realise what a flake you really are. Poor Inspector. He's shackled himself to a plank!

11 June 2012 at 14:21  
Blogger Dodo the Dude said...

That's better Jon. Get it all off your chest, there's a good little boy.

Far healthier than bottling up all that passive-aggression. It can be so harmful to one's development and peace of mind.

How you must hve suffered sitting in a commune following the Mighty Guru 'Worship Me' and chanting mantras to connect with the 'Universal Vibe'. Have you always shyed away from confrontation?

And to think those happy, cutey little lambs, skipping about so gayly in the fields, will shortly be off to an abattoir. Makes one want to become a militant vegan, what?

11 June 2012 at 17:03  
Blogger Oswin said...

Apropos of 'cutie little lambs' skipping and gambolling etc - more like 'plodging' - they ain't ''gay'' anywhere near here; they're var nigh droonded!

12 June 2012 at 17:00  
Blogger len said...

Jon,

The inspector and the Dodo are 'counterfeit Christians',latter day Pharisees with nothing to contribute other than their own hostility and contempt for anyone outside of' their religion'.It is a' gang mentality'which bullies anyone they perceive as' being different' to themselves.
They live within their own World and resist all attempts of the Holy Spirit to enlighten their dark little World.
They really are the poorest of men and should be pitied because they have never known the love of Christ only the condemnation of their loveless religion which they project onto others.
As the Apostle Paul said without love we are nothing.

13 June 2012 at 18:45  
Blogger The Way of Dodo the Dude said...

little pope len ...

His favourite prayer:

"God, I thank you, that I am not like the Inspector and Dodo, Papists, unrighteous, not "born again" like me and a few others, redeemed and saved, or even like so many of those calling themselves Christian caught up in religion."

14 June 2012 at 00:41  
Blogger Cressida de Nova said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

14 June 2012 at 17:58  
Blogger len said...

Dodo.

Your bitterness seems to be eating you up?.

Time to get a new heart and a new spirit?

Then you will able to love God and your fellow man as God intends.

Jesus answered, “I tell you the
solemn truth, unless a person is born of water and spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. 6 What is born of the flesh is flesh, and what is born of the Spirit is spirit. 7 Do not be amazed that I said to you, ‘You must be born from above.’ 8 The wind blows wherever it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.”

When you are born again God pours His Love into your Heart and you in turn can pour out this Love back to God and out to your fellow man.

Of course if God has not put His Love into your Heart than you have nothing to share with anyone.

THAT is why Paul said without" Love you are nothing".

14 June 2012 at 19:55  
Blogger The Way of Dodo the Dude said...

lp len

This ability you beliebve youpossess to discern another person's spiritual state must be such a burden for you. Did you acquire it online?

16 June 2012 at 01:53  
Blogger len said...

Dodo John 13:35 >
'By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another'.

Matthew 7:16-20

16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

16 June 2012 at 16:31  
Blogger The Way of Dodo the Dude said...

Len, that's not what I asked!

16 June 2012 at 21:56  

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