Exporting gay marriage - the Gospel of St Dave
From Mr Alexander Boot:
Many have risen in anger upon hearing how Dave wishes to improve our trade balance. Rather than exporting manufactured products, he decrees that we must be exporting the same-sex marriage Bill instead.
“Many countries are going to want to copy this,” spoke Dave to a select LGBT group. “I talk about how we’ve got to export more, so I’m going to export the Bill team. I think they can take it around the world.”
At first glance, this method of boosting Britain’s exports looks foolish if not downright mad. Foolish it is, but it is holy foolishness. Likewise it is mad also, but the madness is divine.
For he’s guided in his works by a little-known apocryphal text known to experts as The Gospel of St Dave. By what has to be divine dispensation I found a copy of the Gospel, which I’m happy, nay obliged, to share with you:
“Seeing the multitudes, Dave went up into the Minster which is in the west: and when he was set, his multitudes came upon him: men born as women, women born as men, men who lie with men and women who lie with women.Alexander Boot is a writer on political, cultural and religious themes.
“And Dave opened his mouth and taught them, saying,
“Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith in the Bill?
“Let the Bill’s light so shine before men that they may see its good works, and glorify Him which is in Downing Street, and his number is ten.
“Think not that I am come to destroy marriage: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
“For verily I say unto you that marriage is in no wise righteous save for marriage betwixt two men, and two women also.
“If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them shall be praised.
“Blessed are the women who did change their use into that which is against nature no longer.
“Blessed are likewise also the men, leaving the use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is good.
“Blessed are the poor in morals for they shall inherit the Street which is Downing.
“Blessed are the poor in mind for they shall inherit the Minster which is in the west.
“Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst for the pleasures of the flesh as they shall be filled to the brim.
“For thy Bill knoweth what pleasures ye have need of, and what ye have no need of.
“It is good for a man to touch a man, and for a woman to touch a woman also.
“There is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in the Bill.
“Blessed are they which are persecuted for fornication’s sake: for theirs is the kingdom in the Minster which is in the west.
“Ye are the salt of the earth and many other substances also.
“The Bill is the light of the world, and it giveth light unto all that are on earth.
“Rejoice, and be exceedingly glad: for great is thy reward from the Bill.
“It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife shalt be smitten. But I say unto you that whosoever then taketh a man can be my servant.
“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour. But I say unto you, a man shalt love a man, and a woman a woman also.
“That ye may be the children of thy Bill, for it decideth what is good for you and samewise what is bad.
“Be ye therefore perfect, even as thy Bill is perfect.
“Be not deceived: only fornicators, and adulterers, and effeminate shall inherit the Kingdom of the Bill.
“To do fornication, let every man have his own husband, and let every woman have her own wife.
“Let marriage be held in honour among all, men and men, and women and women also, for the Bill will judge the moral and faithful.
“Go ye therefore and teach all nations, teaching them to observe all things whatsoever the Bill has commanded you.
“And as ye go, preach, saying The kingdom of the Bill is at hand.
“The Bill is the way, the truth, and the life.
“Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Bill which is in you: therefore glorify the Bill in thy body.
“Therefore if any man be in the Bill, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
“Ye cannot serve the Bill and God.
“I am the Bill, thy God.”
Amen to that.